I have a feeling that I want to contribute, contribute in this mess going all around me, maybe I'll manage to change some prejudiced ideas and build bridges to a more common ground. I just don't know where to start. But I think I have a potential that can be directed somehow in a useful area. I just feel I'm being rejected, by myself and by some threats. Isn't it time for me to absolutely give up being claustrophobic about my life and not abiding by the society's rules about everything; looks, behaviors, status and being loved. I mean it's more practical and dignified to satisfy myself when I know I am right and that people who misunderstand me just need their time to get my behaviors.
Does it take so much time and effort for us to accept each other the way we are and decide to move on once and for all? Is it that hard to give the needed effort just to lead a peaceful, less stressful life?
A few days ago, I saw the autobiography of Earnest Hemingway. I was really provoked to know that the woman he loved preferred to travel and work rather than to meet him and spend the rest of their lives together. And she only came when it was too late, when he (another provoking thing) preferred his dignity to actually forgiving her and giving himself and her what they've been missing for a long time. Dignity or love weren't really the most provoking themes to me; I kept wondering how at times it seems easy for us to stay still and keep our thoughts hidden inside our own paradigms rather than letting people know how we feel for them and what they mean to us. I couldn't find a way to understand how someone would leave his or her love behind because of age difference, time or even dignity. Not only love but how could I resist the urge to say my opinion of someone or let him know something before it's too late.
Lately, I found out myself contradict my own beliefs that one has to speak out their minds whenever possible, that it's the easiest way out to be honest and that honesty and spontaneousness will work things out. But not everything is as plain and simple as it seems. I realized I can't be honest all the time; out of fright, laziness or loss of anxiety to make things right but also because of fear of embarrassment. It seems to me that I'm not yet ready to cross my imaginary red lines and speak about my taboos. To you, they might not be taboos, but they are to me, because we're not all accustomed to the same talent to share everything with everyone. It's just that things seem hard when you're not supported by the ones you're missing. Certain spaces have to be filled and, no matter how much support you might get, if it's not from the needed person, then it won't erase the gap you're suffering from.
Everyone of us has his or her flaws and fears; his unfilled spaces and his not-yet-crossed lines. But it's only those who fight their fears and accept their reality who will find love and satisfaction. I know it's never easy to change and that change doesn't happen one at a time, but it's worth trying I guess.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
I can't make it through without a way back into love..
Why am I troubled by what they would think of me, whether it's right or wrong, whether anything is possible or not? Who knows? I don't know why, but I find it's the safest way to be skeptic about everything around me, since the only truth I know is that everything is confusing till a certain point occurs, that things aren't simply true, right or even wrong all the time. Things just happen. God knows why they do. We just like to connect them together, because we enjoy being emotional; either too dramatically black-thinking or too anxiously optimistic. To me, it seems like a nice paradigm to escape in from any truth that might suddenly prove to be temporary true.
But since I can't criticize something I don't have an alternative to, I can only keep some distance to those I describe, those I tend to call escapists or extremists. But who says anyone should have an alternative?! Anyone should propose his own paradigm as long as they're willing to adopt it with a believing heart. It's believing what makes us go through whatever we want, not that we're sure about anything but simply because we prefer it this way.
Like I never saw God or met him or anything of that sort. It's just I love to view my life coming to a certain and meeting with him. I prefer a God-worshiping path rather than an evolution-based one. It just scares me to think of us as an ordinary event that will fade away sometime as any other coincidence. I believe that our souls aren't as any other nature-resulted living thing. I can imagine a cell producing life, but not a soul. A cell can bring you to move but not to feel.
I guess we tend to overreact to certain incidents in life which will more or less be forgotten one day or the other, while it's much practical and enjoyable to live life as it is: enjoy the good moment and not regret the one that's lost. After all, only the good moments are the ones we will be remembering when nothing else is left. After all, causing ourselves misery and depression for no good reason would be the one thing we regret, the one thing we would be glad to leave behind and move on.
I know life doesn't provide us only happy moments, but why don't we just appreciate it when it does and stop blaming it on anything or anyone. Because, honestly, only fools rush into blaming and miss the fun part of life!
But since I can't criticize something I don't have an alternative to, I can only keep some distance to those I describe, those I tend to call escapists or extremists. But who says anyone should have an alternative?! Anyone should propose his own paradigm as long as they're willing to adopt it with a believing heart. It's believing what makes us go through whatever we want, not that we're sure about anything but simply because we prefer it this way.
Like I never saw God or met him or anything of that sort. It's just I love to view my life coming to a certain and meeting with him. I prefer a God-worshiping path rather than an evolution-based one. It just scares me to think of us as an ordinary event that will fade away sometime as any other coincidence. I believe that our souls aren't as any other nature-resulted living thing. I can imagine a cell producing life, but not a soul. A cell can bring you to move but not to feel.
I guess we tend to overreact to certain incidents in life which will more or less be forgotten one day or the other, while it's much practical and enjoyable to live life as it is: enjoy the good moment and not regret the one that's lost. After all, only the good moments are the ones we will be remembering when nothing else is left. After all, causing ourselves misery and depression for no good reason would be the one thing we regret, the one thing we would be glad to leave behind and move on.
I know life doesn't provide us only happy moments, but why don't we just appreciate it when it does and stop blaming it on anything or anyone. Because, honestly, only fools rush into blaming and miss the fun part of life!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Whenever I think about you..
Yesterday I had a really rough time; nothing went right and I pretty much lost hope and connection to everything. Sometimes, when things seem to reach a dead end I happen to doubt everything and reach a stage of endless confusion, which happens to everyone I guess.
I once read that we all go through everything; meaning: we all have our ups and downs, as equal and unfortunate as can be. But there has to be this one thing you can never give up on, this one person you can never doubt his felicity; the one independant fact of all time. And as much I cherish friends and thank God for having them around, I think there is something bigger and worthy than friendship, something that should never be changed: faith.
And by faith I do mean God, no matter how different we prefer to call him. It's just yesterday I had this weird thought that faith and doubt, as every other opposite in this world, cannot exist without one other. To be more elaborate: You can never experience something without penetrating its contrary; you can never have faith without spending some time doubting, trying several errors and coming to the consequence of faith.
Why? Simply because any other feeling you have would be either sympathy or a forced habit, not something you're convinced of, by virtue of your true, deep personal experience.
I realized it's not wrong to be mistaken as long as being mistaken will eventually lead to knowing what's right. That's why: it's not important whether you've once doubted God's existence or not, because he'll appreciate it more knowing the trials you went through in order to believe in him and to "achieve faith".
I realized that no matter how wrong you might be, how miserable you think you are and how rough time can be, you'll still have this one and only, God, watching you and wishing you the best, providing you peace once you've asked for it, letting you know that even though you might feel betrayed or lonely, he's keeping you the best company ever!
I once read that we all go through everything; meaning: we all have our ups and downs, as equal and unfortunate as can be. But there has to be this one thing you can never give up on, this one person you can never doubt his felicity; the one independant fact of all time. And as much I cherish friends and thank God for having them around, I think there is something bigger and worthy than friendship, something that should never be changed: faith.
And by faith I do mean God, no matter how different we prefer to call him. It's just yesterday I had this weird thought that faith and doubt, as every other opposite in this world, cannot exist without one other. To be more elaborate: You can never experience something without penetrating its contrary; you can never have faith without spending some time doubting, trying several errors and coming to the consequence of faith.
Why? Simply because any other feeling you have would be either sympathy or a forced habit, not something you're convinced of, by virtue of your true, deep personal experience.
I realized it's not wrong to be mistaken as long as being mistaken will eventually lead to knowing what's right. That's why: it's not important whether you've once doubted God's existence or not, because he'll appreciate it more knowing the trials you went through in order to believe in him and to "achieve faith".
I realized that no matter how wrong you might be, how miserable you think you are and how rough time can be, you'll still have this one and only, God, watching you and wishing you the best, providing you peace once you've asked for it, letting you know that even though you might feel betrayed or lonely, he's keeping you the best company ever!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
The best way out of it..
When was the last time you decided: I have to change myself, this can go on no longer! I have to do something about it! Was it really worth the change or do you sometimes regret it?Would it have been better if you proved to yourself you're right, instead of yielding to some uprising push for a new beginning?
A few days ago, I was wondering if there is something in life which is so efficient that it can force you to change your whole perspective, your basic point of approaching to anything in life. It's like turning your life upside down upon one single incident?
For certain people, a change is something urgent because the way things are makes them face major problems in their lives. But, in other cases, I don't really think it necessary to rely your whole life on this or that incident, even though you might have been mistaken.
Some things are really meant to be the way they are, not that we can't do anything about them or give effort to improve or influence them. It's just our perception of 'the catastrophes in life' that has to be changed somehow. We all know that life is a moody friend, one day on your side, the other against you. So, why should we torture our nerves thinking how we messed up in this part of our lives, when that's something we already know since the beginning of mankind.
In fact, I admire those of us who, in the middle of their miserable moments, stand calm and try to think of the better days lying ahead. These are rare heroes of our days, compared to those other nervous creatures, who stumble on every daring moment, calling themselves emotional, while , in fact, they're nothing but insecure, unexperienced people.
We may never realise how stupid we act, and how exaggerated our reactions are until we get to part from 'ourselves' and slip into this other 'us' who would have a completely different opinion, an objective one, supposedly. By slipping into this other soul, we are practically taking the first step on our path out of our constant, surprising dilemmas: We are giving ourselves time to criticize ourselves, without getting hurt or offended. It's like a fight and only the calm ones win. When thinking of it, it doesn't take us more than time to achieve this prize, the prize we all long for: peace of mind.
A few days ago, I was wondering if there is something in life which is so efficient that it can force you to change your whole perspective, your basic point of approaching to anything in life. It's like turning your life upside down upon one single incident?
For certain people, a change is something urgent because the way things are makes them face major problems in their lives. But, in other cases, I don't really think it necessary to rely your whole life on this or that incident, even though you might have been mistaken.
Some things are really meant to be the way they are, not that we can't do anything about them or give effort to improve or influence them. It's just our perception of 'the catastrophes in life' that has to be changed somehow. We all know that life is a moody friend, one day on your side, the other against you. So, why should we torture our nerves thinking how we messed up in this part of our lives, when that's something we already know since the beginning of mankind.
In fact, I admire those of us who, in the middle of their miserable moments, stand calm and try to think of the better days lying ahead. These are rare heroes of our days, compared to those other nervous creatures, who stumble on every daring moment, calling themselves emotional, while , in fact, they're nothing but insecure, unexperienced people.
We may never realise how stupid we act, and how exaggerated our reactions are until we get to part from 'ourselves' and slip into this other 'us' who would have a completely different opinion, an objective one, supposedly. By slipping into this other soul, we are practically taking the first step on our path out of our constant, surprising dilemmas: We are giving ourselves time to criticize ourselves, without getting hurt or offended. It's like a fight and only the calm ones win. When thinking of it, it doesn't take us more than time to achieve this prize, the prize we all long for: peace of mind.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Satori! - Be your own sychologist!
Satori means enlightenment. We can all imagine what enlightenment is, even though most of us have not experienced it yet. We all look at smart people and call them enlighted. But don't you think this attitude is way too pathetic for human beings who have supposedly equal qualities? Don't you think it's time for us to stop being passive and view things from a different perspective?
Be your own psychologist!
It doesn't have to be physical, doesn't have to be acupunture when it comes to healing your soul. One thing I believe in: No psychologist, pshycic, not even a magician, can know you more than yourself. Knowing this, would you still prefer to let yourself be examined by someone who won't cure your 'defects' as much as you can? Won't it be even more practical to do it yourself?
But how? How can we make it to being our own psychologists?
To answer this question I don't need no researches and no statistics, in fact I need nothing but experience in life, in dealing with yourself and how you interact with this vast space surrounding you.
What differs us from them?
You know what's the main difference between you and your psychologist? It's simply their perspective. They're not you, that's why they can view you with an objective eye, with an eye able to charge you guilty without being offended or having bad feelings about it. So, once you manage to separate who you are from the judge-you, you've taken your first step towards your own personal clinic.
By acknowleging this, we declare that we're the ones who build our own obstacles and imagine walls we cannot penetrate. But, isn't it time to unravel things and enlarge the chance to communicate to ourselves.. to our inner soul; putting aside complexities and embracing that thereby we are exploring features which were being denied to us for so long, by our own hands!
Be your own psychologist!
It doesn't have to be physical, doesn't have to be acupunture when it comes to healing your soul. One thing I believe in: No psychologist, pshycic, not even a magician, can know you more than yourself. Knowing this, would you still prefer to let yourself be examined by someone who won't cure your 'defects' as much as you can? Won't it be even more practical to do it yourself?
But how? How can we make it to being our own psychologists?
To answer this question I don't need no researches and no statistics, in fact I need nothing but experience in life, in dealing with yourself and how you interact with this vast space surrounding you.
What differs us from them?
You know what's the main difference between you and your psychologist? It's simply their perspective. They're not you, that's why they can view you with an objective eye, with an eye able to charge you guilty without being offended or having bad feelings about it. So, once you manage to separate who you are from the judge-you, you've taken your first step towards your own personal clinic.
By acknowleging this, we declare that we're the ones who build our own obstacles and imagine walls we cannot penetrate. But, isn't it time to unravel things and enlarge the chance to communicate to ourselves.. to our inner soul; putting aside complexities and embracing that thereby we are exploring features which were being denied to us for so long, by our own hands!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Why faking it when it's better to be urself??
Fake people..why do they tend to improve what they are or what they can be?
Lately, I have noticed that I'm practically surrounded by fake people, just as some long-time-no-see friend would call it: superficial/hypocritical people. (Btw, friend, I miss u and I'm realizing everyday that you were right all this time. I wasn't paying attention, so 3la r2yek: Respect!)
Unfortunately, I've found out that I'm getting in touch with these people that I can't help it anymore, and that I will end up either imitating such attitude or getting sick, which is most likely to happen, hopefully.
I think what they're definitely seeking by their faking is one thing: popularity. Five or six years ago, I didn't really care to get popular or not, I didn't really care if many people liked me or not. I thought it's pathetic. But then, I was forced to get in touch with people I don't know at all, people who are simply not my type. As these people were sort of my everyday mates, I had to change my attitude towards people I don't care for, because there's nothing wrong in getting to know people. This made me wonder, why do people do so, why do they try to fake things, be too nice to people they can't stand or don't even know.
Unfortunately, that's the way to be popular!
But I had this question popping up to my mind today: How does it feel ..? How can they maintain being something else than they are or probably something else than they want to be, only to have more friends, or are the people you get to know by virtue of faking it really worth being called friends??
Sometimes I feel I'm the only one among all my friends trying to be honest, trying to seek security, honesty and true friendship rather than anything else not worth mentioning. Or should I rephrase the question: Am I the one to get blamed? Am I thinking too much as one of my friends once told me? Am I too sensitive??Am I having complexities because I don't want to forget about the negative side of my surrounding??
All I know is that I won't change myself, because I can get other things by being myself, things more important and precious than what seems to matter to certain people.
Faking will just make us get back to zero, whereas being ourselves will lead us to what we deserve to be.
Lately, I have noticed that I'm practically surrounded by fake people, just as some long-time-no-see friend would call it: superficial/hypocritical people. (Btw, friend, I miss u and I'm realizing everyday that you were right all this time. I wasn't paying attention, so 3la r2yek: Respect!)
Unfortunately, I've found out that I'm getting in touch with these people that I can't help it anymore, and that I will end up either imitating such attitude or getting sick, which is most likely to happen, hopefully.
I think what they're definitely seeking by their faking is one thing: popularity. Five or six years ago, I didn't really care to get popular or not, I didn't really care if many people liked me or not. I thought it's pathetic. But then, I was forced to get in touch with people I don't know at all, people who are simply not my type. As these people were sort of my everyday mates, I had to change my attitude towards people I don't care for, because there's nothing wrong in getting to know people. This made me wonder, why do people do so, why do they try to fake things, be too nice to people they can't stand or don't even know.
Unfortunately, that's the way to be popular!
But I had this question popping up to my mind today: How does it feel ..? How can they maintain being something else than they are or probably something else than they want to be, only to have more friends, or are the people you get to know by virtue of faking it really worth being called friends??
Sometimes I feel I'm the only one among all my friends trying to be honest, trying to seek security, honesty and true friendship rather than anything else not worth mentioning. Or should I rephrase the question: Am I the one to get blamed? Am I thinking too much as one of my friends once told me? Am I too sensitive??Am I having complexities because I don't want to forget about the negative side of my surrounding??
All I know is that I won't change myself, because I can get other things by being myself, things more important and precious than what seems to matter to certain people.
Faking will just make us get back to zero, whereas being ourselves will lead us to what we deserve to be.
Friday, June 15, 2007
What to do when things go wrong
Things go wrong. People act in a weird way and they don't give you the chance to defend yourself, because they simply don't want to believe in you this very moment. It feels as if they've all agreed on one thing: not to listen to you and to hear all the stupid excuses of people who are definitely wrong.
To be continued!
To be continued!
Monday, June 11, 2007
A lovely movie :)
You know, I love this movie "His and her christmas". It's just simple and it's not difficult at all to know how the end will look like. Nevertheless, you can't really help watching it till the end.
It's just that the heroin is exactly how I want to be, not that my dream job is a journalist and nothing else, but her life in general is such a simple yet amazing one. She loves her work: You can say she combines her career along with what she loves to do; helping others and being social.
Even though the movie is not totally realistic, it contains some sad past experience for the heroin, since she's been separated from her husband for nearly a year.
Nonetheless, here comes a bright side, where her career surprises her once again with a man, I daresay, with an exact opposite. Whereas she's optimistic, affectionate and believes in delivering a message through her job, he is pragmatic and has no conscience. Her aim lies in destroying his career and his in destroying her :)
But what most people forget and what most authors tend to repeat over and over again is that putting two persons in counter positions enables nothing but growing interest in each other, admiration and last but not least love...which is the case in this story.
I just love it, as simple as it is!! :)
It's just that the heroin is exactly how I want to be, not that my dream job is a journalist and nothing else, but her life in general is such a simple yet amazing one. She loves her work: You can say she combines her career along with what she loves to do; helping others and being social.
Even though the movie is not totally realistic, it contains some sad past experience for the heroin, since she's been separated from her husband for nearly a year.
Nonetheless, here comes a bright side, where her career surprises her once again with a man, I daresay, with an exact opposite. Whereas she's optimistic, affectionate and believes in delivering a message through her job, he is pragmatic and has no conscience. Her aim lies in destroying his career and his in destroying her :)
But what most people forget and what most authors tend to repeat over and over again is that putting two persons in counter positions enables nothing but growing interest in each other, admiration and last but not least love...which is the case in this story.
I just love it, as simple as it is!! :)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I was wondering..
...How do we know whether someone is worth our trust or not? Whether the love and care we provide to someone would actually be appreciated or somehow payed back? Or should people be as innocent and naive as to give and never ask, to provide without asking?
-Why does life seem surprisingly boring at times and unlimited at other times?
-Why do we seem to have so much to write about one day and appear so empty the other day?
-Why do we keep advising others on the same subjects we lack most and don't dare to be honest enough with ourselves? Why do we give others the exact answer we're in need of, unluckily without noticing?
-Why do we have the ones we want and need right beside us, except we don't dare to make the move and dare to talk about what lies inside us?
-Why do we keep talking about hope and faith and give up at the first attack of despair?
-Why do we realize things when it's too late? Why do we start acting just when time's running out? Why do we only start to act reasonably just after our rapidity destroyed every chance we got?
That's life I guess :)
-Why does life seem surprisingly boring at times and unlimited at other times?
-Why do we seem to have so much to write about one day and appear so empty the other day?
-Why do we keep advising others on the same subjects we lack most and don't dare to be honest enough with ourselves? Why do we give others the exact answer we're in need of, unluckily without noticing?
-Why do we have the ones we want and need right beside us, except we don't dare to make the move and dare to talk about what lies inside us?
-Why do we keep talking about hope and faith and give up at the first attack of despair?
-Why do we realize things when it's too late? Why do we start acting just when time's running out? Why do we only start to act reasonably just after our rapidity destroyed every chance we got?
That's life I guess :)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
LAST SCHOOL DAY!!!
It's the day I've dreaded most. Ever since 9th grade I've been trying to imagine how this day would look like, trying to figure a way to avoid crying, a way to come out of this day with the least sorrows possible. But, I have to admit, I was never able to find this way. I always thought that this day is so far and away that it would not come at all. Nevertheless, here it is, standing in front of me like a dreaded visitor: you expect him to be there and know he will free of your current duties, but at the same time he causes you much pain.
I can't believe it's nearly the last school day. I've always loved these 'meaningfull' speeches coming at the end of precious movies. I love it when the protagonist brings everything to the point with such wonderful words. And now it's time for me to do so, I am the protagonist of my own story and here comes the part when I am graduating. And I don't think it is wise to let such a one-in-a-lifetime experience pass away without noting on some dear, remarkable stations during this loong journey. I just hope I'm not getting too emotional.
To be honest, it's a weird feeling. You don't really know what you're supposed to do, not even what you want to do during this day. You wish it could last forever, to give you the chance to do each and everything, take pictures of each and every corner at school and most of all with each and every person you know.
Looking back I'm only able to capture these unconnected moments..moments rushing into my mind without a reason or without letting me know what they have in common. Just funny, dear and weird moments.
I can't remember the very old days, don't know why. Maybe because my new class means so much to me that it erased any remembrance of older incidents. Or maybe because one always remembers the recent events and all that is left from the older ones is just broken pieces or some clear short memories. But I don't think this will happen with this class.
It's just that over the past few years I have been through a lot. And, though this school didn't intend to teach me such things, I owe it much, I have learnt to speak up, to criticise myself as well as others, to avoid being shy and self respect. I am grateful and proud. Of course, school didn't only cause us happy moments, of course we had tough moments, but isn't it better to put them away and accept the fact that all the pleasure is worth all the pain. :)
I am most glad to have known you guys. I am happy that we all don't have mean people around us. Okay, there are people one can't stand, but on the last day you forget about all this and just enjoy the moment. I love my cool, hyper, crazy, weird but lovely class. I am glad to have known everyone, glad to have made such good friends as you all.
I just LOVE YOU AND WILL CHERISH EVERY MOMENT WE SHARED!!
Will miss you a lot,that's only for a short time, because I know we will always stay friends forever, no matter where we are or what happens. At least I hope so :)
I want to say that I had a great day today, made wonderful photos and had lots of fun.
LUV YOU!
Nada Amin, 12b2
I can't believe it's nearly the last school day. I've always loved these 'meaningfull' speeches coming at the end of precious movies. I love it when the protagonist brings everything to the point with such wonderful words. And now it's time for me to do so, I am the protagonist of my own story and here comes the part when I am graduating. And I don't think it is wise to let such a one-in-a-lifetime experience pass away without noting on some dear, remarkable stations during this loong journey. I just hope I'm not getting too emotional.
To be honest, it's a weird feeling. You don't really know what you're supposed to do, not even what you want to do during this day. You wish it could last forever, to give you the chance to do each and everything, take pictures of each and every corner at school and most of all with each and every person you know.
Looking back I'm only able to capture these unconnected moments..moments rushing into my mind without a reason or without letting me know what they have in common. Just funny, dear and weird moments.
I can't remember the very old days, don't know why. Maybe because my new class means so much to me that it erased any remembrance of older incidents. Or maybe because one always remembers the recent events and all that is left from the older ones is just broken pieces or some clear short memories. But I don't think this will happen with this class.
It's just that over the past few years I have been through a lot. And, though this school didn't intend to teach me such things, I owe it much, I have learnt to speak up, to criticise myself as well as others, to avoid being shy and self respect. I am grateful and proud. Of course, school didn't only cause us happy moments, of course we had tough moments, but isn't it better to put them away and accept the fact that all the pleasure is worth all the pain. :)
I am most glad to have known you guys. I am happy that we all don't have mean people around us. Okay, there are people one can't stand, but on the last day you forget about all this and just enjoy the moment. I love my cool, hyper, crazy, weird but lovely class. I am glad to have known everyone, glad to have made such good friends as you all.
I just LOVE YOU AND WILL CHERISH EVERY MOMENT WE SHARED!!
Will miss you a lot,that's only for a short time, because I know we will always stay friends forever, no matter where we are or what happens. At least I hope so :)
I want to say that I had a great day today, made wonderful photos and had lots of fun.
LUV YOU!
Nada Amin, 12b2
Friday, May 04, 2007
Switching to the studying mood!! :(
The last two or three weeks I have been doing nothing but watching Tv and practically wasting my time. As I don't have much to study for my -hopefully- last exam, I decided to postpone everything till later..and this later seemed to last like forever for some odd reason..hehe
But now I realized that I may be running out of time. Even if not, I like to finish my things on time, or maybe before. I hate it to do things in the last minute, I get so nervous and start to mess things up if I am not totally, surely having more than enough time.
So, studying is what I am up to the next days. I really liked the former days, though it doesn't really feel good to be of no use. I just can't get the idea of having to study once again into my head. I started to convince myself that I won't have to do this thing until maybe next year or something like that.
I hope I'll be able to do what the Germans would call "streng dich mal an" and work till the end. After all my school journey is (hopefully brdo) supposed to end, so shouldn't I do my best to make it an excellent one. If not for this reason, it would for 'making amends' for messing things or being messed with during the last two years. I think I would do it.
WISH ME LUCK, GUYS. Just need a final push and I'll do it.
Good luck to all Abiturienten and Abweicher or Verbesserer!!YOU GO GUYS!!
But now I realized that I may be running out of time. Even if not, I like to finish my things on time, or maybe before. I hate it to do things in the last minute, I get so nervous and start to mess things up if I am not totally, surely having more than enough time.
So, studying is what I am up to the next days. I really liked the former days, though it doesn't really feel good to be of no use. I just can't get the idea of having to study once again into my head. I started to convince myself that I won't have to do this thing until maybe next year or something like that.
I hope I'll be able to do what the Germans would call "streng dich mal an" and work till the end. After all my school journey is (hopefully brdo) supposed to end, so shouldn't I do my best to make it an excellent one. If not for this reason, it would for 'making amends' for messing things or being messed with during the last two years. I think I would do it.
WISH ME LUCK, GUYS. Just need a final push and I'll do it.
Good luck to all Abiturienten and Abweicher or Verbesserer!!YOU GO GUYS!!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
It's just a thought..only a thought
I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
These words are most likely to describe how things seem to develop our perception of future. Okay, not that dramatic as portrayed in the upper words, but these words do reflect a truth to a certain extent, if not to all of us, to the ones who still hadn't achieve what they aimed yet.
It's just that our former dreams, of being successful if not perfect, of getting what we want..this thought of superiority or confidence since childhood..doesn't seem to be applicable anymore. The image of our childhood phase, portraying an 'undefeated' us, capable of doing everything and erasing any fault proved to fade away in the middle of the rush, was stepped on by the monotonous though surprising 'everyday' life.
I guess the reason why these thoughts and aims aren't obtainable or practical anymore is that they are too perfect and allude to a Utopian world, which can never exist. Nevertheless this doesn't mean giving them up. It only means we don't have to focus on the fact that we lost them, I guess we should rather try to accomplish some duties allowing us to approximate our long aimed perfection.
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
These words are most likely to describe how things seem to develop our perception of future. Okay, not that dramatic as portrayed in the upper words, but these words do reflect a truth to a certain extent, if not to all of us, to the ones who still hadn't achieve what they aimed yet.
It's just that our former dreams, of being successful if not perfect, of getting what we want..this thought of superiority or confidence since childhood..doesn't seem to be applicable anymore. The image of our childhood phase, portraying an 'undefeated' us, capable of doing everything and erasing any fault proved to fade away in the middle of the rush, was stepped on by the monotonous though surprising 'everyday' life.
I guess the reason why these thoughts and aims aren't obtainable or practical anymore is that they are too perfect and allude to a Utopian world, which can never exist. Nevertheless this doesn't mean giving them up. It only means we don't have to focus on the fact that we lost them, I guess we should rather try to accomplish some duties allowing us to approximate our long aimed perfection.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Life is a challenge indeed
The last couple of weeks I have noticed that life -as I said before- isn't about routines. If you think you can live your life following a certain, non-changing pattern (not talking about principles of course), then you will realize sooner or later that something is not really working.
An essential talent few of us posses is the ability of accommodating to the surprises of life.
I have been watching 'Prison break' lately and among other things I have learnt from this exciting TV series is that even if you have planned things perfectly, life and your fellow human beings won't stop surprising you from time to time. You can never be sure of any success until you actually fulfilled the plan you have drawn.
As much as this fact is a bit disappointing and all, we have to challenge it rather than surrender to it.
Throughout my life journey (not being arrogant but I can't find a fitting word), I have read lots and lots of quotes, people trying to find themselves an 'everlasting' life pattern. But I think the best way of dealing with life is to focus on accommodating instead of searching for suitable, changeable quotes, which only apply for a certain, rather short period of time.
Life changes and, therefore, we have to concentrate on how to survive and deal with things the best and dignified way possible: Fulfilling plans but at the same time bearing in mind the uprising sudden changes life keeps threatening us with. We have to prove how well we can hold on in order to achieve what we want.
That's the simplest secret of life I have ever experienced.
An essential talent few of us posses is the ability of accommodating to the surprises of life.
I have been watching 'Prison break' lately and among other things I have learnt from this exciting TV series is that even if you have planned things perfectly, life and your fellow human beings won't stop surprising you from time to time. You can never be sure of any success until you actually fulfilled the plan you have drawn.
As much as this fact is a bit disappointing and all, we have to challenge it rather than surrender to it.
Throughout my life journey (not being arrogant but I can't find a fitting word), I have read lots and lots of quotes, people trying to find themselves an 'everlasting' life pattern. But I think the best way of dealing with life is to focus on accommodating instead of searching for suitable, changeable quotes, which only apply for a certain, rather short period of time.
Life changes and, therefore, we have to concentrate on how to survive and deal with things the best and dignified way possible: Fulfilling plans but at the same time bearing in mind the uprising sudden changes life keeps threatening us with. We have to prove how well we can hold on in order to achieve what we want.
That's the simplest secret of life I have ever experienced.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Just another amusing day..
Today was one of the greatest days ever, when you pretty much did nothing extraordinary, but it feels you have done everything and every pleasant thing possible. Reason for such feelings, which rush into our souls all of a sudden, is the sudden change of behaviour and atmosphere.
It's just I had vacation for so long and I got used to sitting at home, pretty much doing nothing but watching TV, surfing the Internet or reading. I needed to loosen up and undergo some kind of a refreshment.
I went out once before, but this time it was a bit different. I helped two friends to reconcile, was some sort of a surprise for one of them, actually one of my best friends. Then, we hanged around, went shopping for our trip to Prague and had little amusing chats.
I really don't know what I would have done without friends, their being there for me makes life a new, better, refreshable world, their existence pushes me to proceed and survive all the bad incidents in my life.
Thanks.
It's just I had vacation for so long and I got used to sitting at home, pretty much doing nothing but watching TV, surfing the Internet or reading. I needed to loosen up and undergo some kind of a refreshment.
I went out once before, but this time it was a bit different. I helped two friends to reconcile, was some sort of a surprise for one of them, actually one of my best friends. Then, we hanged around, went shopping for our trip to Prague and had little amusing chats.
I really don't know what I would have done without friends, their being there for me makes life a new, better, refreshable world, their existence pushes me to proceed and survive all the bad incidents in my life.
Thanks.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Why did you come back?
(Gave way to my fantasy and came up with this.:)
Didn’t I start to forget you for a while? Or let’s say didn’t I at least start pretending to forget you once and for all? Why do you always pop up into my life when you’re not needed, I mean when you want nothing but abusing my heart? Am I just some game you amuse yourself with and fly back to your real life? I have realized that I can’t really help but falling again? Why did you do so? Why did you come back while I was on my way to a new, promising life? I just don’t get what you intend to do with me. I don’t even get why I leave all my wings uncovered when I see you, though I know that you’re going to unfold them and grab me to your mysterious illusions.
Is it my destiny; falling from your one delusion to another? Am I to be so weak forever? Why can’t I resist your silly charm once in my whole life …stupid me?? Imagine my life without you …wouldn’t be as charmed as it is now, but don’t you think being charmed has caused me enough pain? Why can’t I take this step and save my soul from further tormenting? When people drive by me, I feel so pathetic and boring; living a life about, with and for you.
Didn’t I start to forget you for a while? Or let’s say didn’t I at least start pretending to forget you once and for all? Why do you always pop up into my life when you’re not needed, I mean when you want nothing but abusing my heart? Am I just some game you amuse yourself with and fly back to your real life? I have realized that I can’t really help but falling again? Why did you do so? Why did you come back while I was on my way to a new, promising life? I just don’t get what you intend to do with me. I don’t even get why I leave all my wings uncovered when I see you, though I know that you’re going to unfold them and grab me to your mysterious illusions.
Is it my destiny; falling from your one delusion to another? Am I to be so weak forever? Why can’t I resist your silly charm once in my whole life …stupid me?? Imagine my life without you …wouldn’t be as charmed as it is now, but don’t you think being charmed has caused me enough pain? Why can’t I take this step and save my soul from further tormenting? When people drive by me, I feel so pathetic and boring; living a life about, with and for you.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Life will occasionally do us apart
It is universally acknowledged that any human being won't stick to his/her routine for a long time, meaning: the term routine is a temporary description applying for nobody and anybody.
It is also of equal consideration that nobody will ever have to face the trouble of forgetting the ones he loved and died, the ones he lived with and so on, because God gave us all the gift of forgetting each and everything, equally to the power of resisting this gift and the strong will to hold on to certain memories. That's why it is up to us: whether to love forever or not, whether to hate forever or not, whether to have a temporary routine or not.
But as common sense requires, any reasonable person keeps deep feelings (were they pride or vanity, intimacy whatsoever), experiences and pictures in his mind, which he can check on once and a while when fate reminds him of them. All these pieces are joined together, creating each and every one's perception of life and living.
So, any person we lose, which would make a broken heart of us, could be somehow recurred by the passing of time, the changing of routine.
Anyone who reads this may ask himself: So what? We all know this long ago. Or just: Nonsense.
What I am intending to express is that we can sometimes lose this lover or this boy/girlfriend (that's something expected, as real love is a part of any by passing though precious routine). The one thing we can never replace or make amends to is family. And by family I don't only mean parents and relatives, I also mean those dear friends who have been so important in our lives as to become part of our family for some time.
I just wish that whenever life tries to do us and our dearest ones apart, we will be able to hold on to them, dead or alive, forever or occasionally.
It is also of equal consideration that nobody will ever have to face the trouble of forgetting the ones he loved and died, the ones he lived with and so on, because God gave us all the gift of forgetting each and everything, equally to the power of resisting this gift and the strong will to hold on to certain memories. That's why it is up to us: whether to love forever or not, whether to hate forever or not, whether to have a temporary routine or not.
But as common sense requires, any reasonable person keeps deep feelings (were they pride or vanity, intimacy whatsoever), experiences and pictures in his mind, which he can check on once and a while when fate reminds him of them. All these pieces are joined together, creating each and every one's perception of life and living.
So, any person we lose, which would make a broken heart of us, could be somehow recurred by the passing of time, the changing of routine.
Anyone who reads this may ask himself: So what? We all know this long ago. Or just: Nonsense.
What I am intending to express is that we can sometimes lose this lover or this boy/girlfriend (that's something expected, as real love is a part of any by passing though precious routine). The one thing we can never replace or make amends to is family. And by family I don't only mean parents and relatives, I also mean those dear friends who have been so important in our lives as to become part of our family for some time.
I just wish that whenever life tries to do us and our dearest ones apart, we will be able to hold on to them, dead or alive, forever or occasionally.
Friday, March 23, 2007
When life detaches to memories
Remember being a child? Remember how good it felt to be out of responsibilities, serious trouble and worries? Remember when nothing but your imaginary life seemed to count? Each time I remember these good old days, I can't help wishing for the opportunity to live these days again, though now is the important, wise but crazy life.
Why I remembered childhood phase especially these days is because I found out that we're entering a similar phase: a phase where we're supposed to give up (for a short time) what used to be our everyday life and turn to a bigger, newer and more important part of our life journey. It's another phase where we get to notice events and regularities fade away in pictures of memories. As much as it hurts for a while, as much as it takes some time and passes away, giving us the chance to concentrate on the next stage of our life chain.
Even though we're going away, leaving places we used to hang on, saying goodbye to people who were definitely included in our lives, we can still profit from such a phase and make the best of everything. Leaving one's place doesn't necessarily mean missing one's precious memories and friends. If we could manage to keep in touch with the good friends we gained throughout the years, then it's the best gift we're giving to ourselves. Every adult I know keeps telling me that the best time in his life was either at school or at university, and that his school and college friends are still his 'life companions' since then.
That's what I am -and hope we all are- trying to do the last few remaining days. I know and admit there are these people one can never get along with (for whatever a reason), but we all have to try to hold on to the friends we have and avoid every single possibility of losing them. Because if our school friends are the ones we can never find anywhere else, then it is our duty to stick to this friendship bond and never let anything or anyone do us apart.
Matter of fact, without school or teenage memories one can never go on with one's life. They are there for us, reminding us how weak we were one day, but how we struggled and proved to be strong once again. So, guys, stick to your memories and never let them go, because if you lost your memories, then you're pretty much losing an essential part of your identity and your life.
Why I remembered childhood phase especially these days is because I found out that we're entering a similar phase: a phase where we're supposed to give up (for a short time) what used to be our everyday life and turn to a bigger, newer and more important part of our life journey. It's another phase where we get to notice events and regularities fade away in pictures of memories. As much as it hurts for a while, as much as it takes some time and passes away, giving us the chance to concentrate on the next stage of our life chain.
Even though we're going away, leaving places we used to hang on, saying goodbye to people who were definitely included in our lives, we can still profit from such a phase and make the best of everything. Leaving one's place doesn't necessarily mean missing one's precious memories and friends. If we could manage to keep in touch with the good friends we gained throughout the years, then it's the best gift we're giving to ourselves. Every adult I know keeps telling me that the best time in his life was either at school or at university, and that his school and college friends are still his 'life companions' since then.
That's what I am -and hope we all are- trying to do the last few remaining days. I know and admit there are these people one can never get along with (for whatever a reason), but we all have to try to hold on to the friends we have and avoid every single possibility of losing them. Because if our school friends are the ones we can never find anywhere else, then it is our duty to stick to this friendship bond and never let anything or anyone do us apart.
Matter of fact, without school or teenage memories one can never go on with one's life. They are there for us, reminding us how weak we were one day, but how we struggled and proved to be strong once again. So, guys, stick to your memories and never let them go, because if you lost your memories, then you're pretty much losing an essential part of your identity and your life.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I hate to be a rival!!
Yes, I do hate to be a rival, not in a friendship. A friendship can't be forced, nor can it be fought. Why don't people let friends stay friends. Why do I have to pay for the fact that there is a jealous human being living in the middle of me and my friends. You never know what this jealousy can bring, and you never know how silly being jealous is unless you're in my shoes at this very moment.
As much as this topic is gross to me, I would like to put an end to it in this post, even though I won't (maybe) show it to anyone concerned. At least, I want to throw the burden thrown on me with no reason but me being an honest person:
I don't care who thinks what of me. I just don't want to be a rival. I don't approve of this. So, I hope anyone could deliver this message to anyone who still plans to offend my honesty and my relationship with friends or enemies. I am the sort of person who can't stay still while people around me keep spreading lies and faking the damn truth. Even if this statement would cost me some or anyone of my close friends, I can't really change who I am and who I want to be.
It's just annoying when people don't stop spreading lies, because they're simply feeling insecure. To these people: if you really can find nothing interesting or proper in you but your ability to fake reality, then you would be nothing but a pathetic, hopeless case, which I wouldn't bare to help.
You know what? It doesn't really matter if such people existed or vanished. It's not my problem if they don't want to help themselves. What I seriously hope is to keep in touch with my intimate friends. I really don't want our friendship to be affected by anyone who feels himself capable of annoying others. I am not threatening anyone or myself. I am just fed up with all this story and want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I hope bonds will prove themselves strong through the crowd of hypocrisy surrounding us. And if friends stopped believing (and believing in) each other, then they have to reconsider their friendship. Sorry to say so, but I won't let anyone ruin my damn ideologies, because they would be the only thing left after a friendship is endangered.
I am holding onto the hope that I am just exaggerating, because this topic is nothing but gross.
To the ones who still think they care about me:
Please, guys, if what you claim about our friendship is true, then try to ignore all the other things. Because it makes me feel bad when people I respect and love give credit to senseless stuff.
If we really are friends, then we shouldn't let anything come between us because it would ruin us and our relationship. (if it counts anyhow)
I am sorry to make a big fuss out of it, but I was indirectly showing you how annoying it is to listen to your dearest ones pay attention to things that don't count. Hope not to be misunderstood, for the sake of it. Take it easy as I am trying to, too.
We won't survive the annoyance, we will survive the misunderstanding phase, because I can sense its end so soon. Don't you hope so,too?
As much as this topic is gross to me, I would like to put an end to it in this post, even though I won't (maybe) show it to anyone concerned. At least, I want to throw the burden thrown on me with no reason but me being an honest person:
I don't care who thinks what of me. I just don't want to be a rival. I don't approve of this. So, I hope anyone could deliver this message to anyone who still plans to offend my honesty and my relationship with friends or enemies. I am the sort of person who can't stay still while people around me keep spreading lies and faking the damn truth. Even if this statement would cost me some or anyone of my close friends, I can't really change who I am and who I want to be.
It's just annoying when people don't stop spreading lies, because they're simply feeling insecure. To these people: if you really can find nothing interesting or proper in you but your ability to fake reality, then you would be nothing but a pathetic, hopeless case, which I wouldn't bare to help.
You know what? It doesn't really matter if such people existed or vanished. It's not my problem if they don't want to help themselves. What I seriously hope is to keep in touch with my intimate friends. I really don't want our friendship to be affected by anyone who feels himself capable of annoying others. I am not threatening anyone or myself. I am just fed up with all this story and want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I hope bonds will prove themselves strong through the crowd of hypocrisy surrounding us. And if friends stopped believing (and believing in) each other, then they have to reconsider their friendship. Sorry to say so, but I won't let anyone ruin my damn ideologies, because they would be the only thing left after a friendship is endangered.
I am holding onto the hope that I am just exaggerating, because this topic is nothing but gross.
To the ones who still think they care about me:
Please, guys, if what you claim about our friendship is true, then try to ignore all the other things. Because it makes me feel bad when people I respect and love give credit to senseless stuff.
If we really are friends, then we shouldn't let anything come between us because it would ruin us and our relationship. (if it counts anyhow)
I am sorry to make a big fuss out of it, but I was indirectly showing you how annoying it is to listen to your dearest ones pay attention to things that don't count. Hope not to be misunderstood, for the sake of it. Take it easy as I am trying to, too.
We won't survive the annoyance, we will survive the misunderstanding phase, because I can sense its end so soon. Don't you hope so,too?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
How does people's opinion affect us?
Is it about people? Or about you? Not only the decisions you have to take but the whole principles of your life, can they be affected by other people or not? Can you build up your opinions and your basic point of viewing life on what people say?
The answer would be no, of course. But there are these times when you really can't go on unless your direction is identical to the flow's. And what if your opinion doesn't match with the one of the flow? Do you have to rearrange your whole system? Does it mean you have to turn everything upside down? Will you keep changing your perspective just because of circumstances or people forcing you to? NO!!
Okay, no is an easy answer. But what does this NO mean? A conservative person would simply tell you: It means your principles can't be affected by other's judgement.
I would say: As long as you are convinced from the inside of what you believe to be your basic path in life, you should stick to it. By doing this step you are pretty much announcing you are ready for all sorts of attacks all around you. But guess what? No one is ready for life and the surprises life is hiding for us. Nevertheless, we don't have to give up.
I think that when God sees us and notices we're not giving up our moral beliefs, he won't let us drown and keep watching. Sometimes life seems as if no one cares for us anymore, because we're somehow different than the flow. But this isn't really true. Whenever I feel down and think it's the end with me, my dreams, my beliefs and therefore my future, something happens in order to show me how wrong I was. We have to, or at least I try to, hold on to this thought that God is watching me somewhere and that He just wants me to hang in there and that his support will more or less come in the right time.
Nevertheless, this doesn't deny that people may sometimes be right in their opinions. One shouldn't totally ignore what people say. I guess, one should be objective enough to know whether what they say is true or nonsensical. And maybe people would be right in this thing or the other. Maybe their opinion would really convince us of changing this or that point in our way of thinking.
And changing some points or changing the way we handle things doesn't necessarily mean we were wrong. It only means that there was something missing in what we thought was right. And if this improvement stands for the fact that we're not perfect, then allow me to tell you that I would choose not to be perfect, because it makes me know why I choose the right way and why this is actually a right way.
The answer would be no, of course. But there are these times when you really can't go on unless your direction is identical to the flow's. And what if your opinion doesn't match with the one of the flow? Do you have to rearrange your whole system? Does it mean you have to turn everything upside down? Will you keep changing your perspective just because of circumstances or people forcing you to? NO!!
Okay, no is an easy answer. But what does this NO mean? A conservative person would simply tell you: It means your principles can't be affected by other's judgement.
I would say: As long as you are convinced from the inside of what you believe to be your basic path in life, you should stick to it. By doing this step you are pretty much announcing you are ready for all sorts of attacks all around you. But guess what? No one is ready for life and the surprises life is hiding for us. Nevertheless, we don't have to give up.
I think that when God sees us and notices we're not giving up our moral beliefs, he won't let us drown and keep watching. Sometimes life seems as if no one cares for us anymore, because we're somehow different than the flow. But this isn't really true. Whenever I feel down and think it's the end with me, my dreams, my beliefs and therefore my future, something happens in order to show me how wrong I was. We have to, or at least I try to, hold on to this thought that God is watching me somewhere and that He just wants me to hang in there and that his support will more or less come in the right time.
Nevertheless, this doesn't deny that people may sometimes be right in their opinions. One shouldn't totally ignore what people say. I guess, one should be objective enough to know whether what they say is true or nonsensical. And maybe people would be right in this thing or the other. Maybe their opinion would really convince us of changing this or that point in our way of thinking.
And changing some points or changing the way we handle things doesn't necessarily mean we were wrong. It only means that there was something missing in what we thought was right. And if this improvement stands for the fact that we're not perfect, then allow me to tell you that I would choose not to be perfect, because it makes me know why I choose the right way and why this is actually a right way.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Different impressions
I have realized I was sort of criticizing what I just did. It felt bad, because I was doing exactly what the ones I hated did, except I did notice it and I don't think it occurred often.
Why doesn't it last, this feeling that things are just fine, simply feeling good? Why does it seem as if good things don't last, neither good one nor bad ones to be honest? Things change I guess, in order to make us less bored, in order to escape from the routine life would bring along if we were always happy.
I think the tricky part is for us to stop blaming fate or blaming anyone. It's a chance for us to prove we are strong and flexible enough to handle things when they go the way we don't prefer.
And I am telling you as a result of a personal experience: The time when you think everything is messed up, is exactly the time missing out of your life, because things won't stay complicated, definitely not if you wanted them to change to the contrary and done something towards that change. So, feeling bad is practically wasting one's time one way or the other.
Discussing is becoming one of the things I like. I always prefer to be as objective as possible. But sometimes it just doesn't work out the way it was supposed to do, especially when it comes to sensitive and personal subjects. I think that's a test of its own: Being able to stay and keep yourself neutral, though the subject talked about concerns you, concerns matters you believed and always will; politics and one's country for instance.
The last few days, we had some discussions and there occurred some (halfway offensive) opinions about groups I belong to, such as my country, my ethnic group so to speak. Apart from the fact that it feels bad when the place you live in is messed up somehow, it feels sort of obnoxious and drives me crazy sometimes when people are stubborn enough to claim they are right, when they simply no nothing of the country. I won't disagree if someone mentioned real facts, which contains some percentage of the truth, but it's provoking when people (not to speak of foreigners) add other information, which is by no means true.
This incidence made me a bit angry that I kind of lost control over myself. I mean, nothing happened except that I started to hate or scorn these people who are not of the same opinion as I am. And now I blame myself for blabbering the word "objective" and criticizing the ones who can't stay neutral, while -at the same time- I'm losing control over myself.
But, at the end, I realized this can happen. It's normal that one gets affected (emotional) when it comes to such topics. It's not that bad, I would say, because I noticed my fault and kind of am regretting it. I also hope people who would say anything, especially when their information is included in a serious discussion, then I would rather ask them (from the bottom of my heart) to be reassured of what they are saying, or else it would nothing be but offending other's belongings, which isn't pleasant, don't you think?
Why doesn't it last, this feeling that things are just fine, simply feeling good? Why does it seem as if good things don't last, neither good one nor bad ones to be honest? Things change I guess, in order to make us less bored, in order to escape from the routine life would bring along if we were always happy.
I think the tricky part is for us to stop blaming fate or blaming anyone. It's a chance for us to prove we are strong and flexible enough to handle things when they go the way we don't prefer.
And I am telling you as a result of a personal experience: The time when you think everything is messed up, is exactly the time missing out of your life, because things won't stay complicated, definitely not if you wanted them to change to the contrary and done something towards that change. So, feeling bad is practically wasting one's time one way or the other.
Discussing is becoming one of the things I like. I always prefer to be as objective as possible. But sometimes it just doesn't work out the way it was supposed to do, especially when it comes to sensitive and personal subjects. I think that's a test of its own: Being able to stay and keep yourself neutral, though the subject talked about concerns you, concerns matters you believed and always will; politics and one's country for instance.
The last few days, we had some discussions and there occurred some (halfway offensive) opinions about groups I belong to, such as my country, my ethnic group so to speak. Apart from the fact that it feels bad when the place you live in is messed up somehow, it feels sort of obnoxious and drives me crazy sometimes when people are stubborn enough to claim they are right, when they simply no nothing of the country. I won't disagree if someone mentioned real facts, which contains some percentage of the truth, but it's provoking when people (not to speak of foreigners) add other information, which is by no means true.
This incidence made me a bit angry that I kind of lost control over myself. I mean, nothing happened except that I started to hate or scorn these people who are not of the same opinion as I am. And now I blame myself for blabbering the word "objective" and criticizing the ones who can't stay neutral, while -at the same time- I'm losing control over myself.
But, at the end, I realized this can happen. It's normal that one gets affected (emotional) when it comes to such topics. It's not that bad, I would say, because I noticed my fault and kind of am regretting it. I also hope people who would say anything, especially when their information is included in a serious discussion, then I would rather ask them (from the bottom of my heart) to be reassured of what they are saying, or else it would nothing be but offending other's belongings, which isn't pleasant, don't you think?
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