Whoever invented "Count till ten before reacting" had some brilliant point!

What have I been up to lately? What is happening around, all over the world, everywhere I go? I have a one and only answer: FRUSTRATION.

Friends go out. Out of boredom, out of the lack of amusement, out of whatever it is, they have a fight. Why? Did anyone insult the other? Did anyone felt some sudden hate for the other? Did anyone hit the other? No. What then? Misunderstanding. Why do we misunderstand one another? Simply because we don't give ourselves the chance to think things over..to listen properly..to understand and here's the tricky part: to think of a concrete, and most of all proper reaction. This pretty much takes about ten seconds, so I would advise everyone as well as myself to take this anonymous advice into consideration: Count till ten before reacting.

Believe me, it will save us zillions of things: nerves first of all, time, health, anger and sorrows.
You can't believe how many people I know face problems because of this frustration. Needless to say that such frustration causes the death of some people, who suffer from health problems (diabetes or high or low blood pressure). Some of my relatives for instance have such trouble, which enlarges the worrying circle of life. Grandparents worry about their children and grandchildren. Grandparents get sick out of being nervous. Grandparents force their children (indirectly) to take care of them, go to the doctor and worry about them instead of working properly. Children do the same thing. Sometimes I get the impression that people are addicted to being nervous, so they worry about anything and everything. And if there is nothing to worry about (which happens rarely), we can worry about the fact that we're worrying. There will always be something to worry about, don't worry. (Excuse me, a bit excited)

Personally, I am trying hard to do the 'counting' thing, so please wish me luck. So, if I will fail in convincing others of this brilliant idea (which is totally for their own sake), I hope I would at least help myself with it and save myself from worrying.

People, don't worry, please!!

It's always better to talk things frankly!

I've always believed in being frank and talking face-to-face to the people you're in trouble with. That's been my motto for a long time.

But things change when I'm involved in a trouble and not just viewing it through the eyes of an outsider. It's not that simple to be frank when you're having trouble with someone, especially with a dear one. I , to be honest, keep asking myself whether this one deserves to be talked to or not. Whether this one is hurt as much as I am. Whether this one will appreciate what the talk we're having or just ignore the details in order to skip the discussion. One of the most important questions would be whether this talk , though I'm supposed to be talking to a (close) friend, doesn't mean I'm humiliating myself in front of this person. Because if I started the discussion or the talk, this could mean that I'm willing to admit I'm guilty or at least that I'm always the weak side; the one who apologizes and feels bad when things go wrong. Sometimes I think this way and sometimes I don't really believe things can get so far between friends.

Despite all the aspects I just said, I still believe in talking things over and sort of revising the problem between the ones involved. It's definitely better than hiding things or not talking at all, which I admit I have done before, unwisely!! You see, one can even take advantage from negative incidents as well as good ones.

Besides, what I've discovered right now, if the one you're talking to doesn't appreciate the discussion you're having, then allow me to tell you, you've chosen a wrong friend. Nevertheless, sometimes you need to be the patient one, prevent any further harsh arguments and give this one some time to think over the things that you've said. I would say, in cases of misunderstanding you just have to give so much effort to come out with the least losses on each side. After all without discussing things and making compromises this time or the other we wouldn't have been able to solve stuff and overcome misunderstandings.

This makes me kind of relieved, because I needed to think things over before starting some sort of a reassuring argument..but I don't think it's that a big deal as I think it is. Misunderstandings happen, you just have to search and find your way out. :)

Confusion
You know these moments when things start to collapse after they were so fun and could be no better? I am having one of these moments right now. Not that school is starting in a few hours, though it's one of the unimportant reasons. It's just I have been having a great vacation, which could be no better, and then, all of a sudden: everything has to collapse after being a bit perfect.
You know when you feel that everything (well most of the things) you believed in are false and fake and that you have to give them all up? Of course, among all this rubbish I'm talking lies a large bit of exaggeration, but I can't stop it.

Why can't life take a mid line: I mean why can't we just live normally, no too happy moments and no too lousy ones. Why can't life be boring and monotonous and all the things we're escaping from at a time. Yes, life would be boring without dreams. And yes, it would be boring without fights and sorrows, unluckily. But this is not the solution: to live only ups and downs. Excuse my nonsense, but that's how it feels right now.

Ok, I admit things are not that bad as I am viewing them. Well, it's just I was so excited for today. We were supposed to go to the book fair and find a bunch of interesting books. But while I was trying to make things right with a friend (a close one), I was the one to get blamed. Don't ask me if it's bad luck or mishandling things from my side, but it did happen and I don't even want to think about it. I would say both. So the fun disappeared and instead was remorse, a bit anger and worries. And here I am, regretting the fact that this was how my holidays ended. But let's look on the bright side: I had a bit fun all in all (during the vacation I mean) and I relaxed. I guess I am too ambitious to wish for more.

Changing the subject would help...At the end of the day I bought any book which seemed interesting. My choice was "Dubliners", the Irish collection by James Joyce. Well, we read some extracts of it in the English lesson, they were good and nice to read. I hope and think I am going to enjoy reading this book. Don't ask me why, but I am so keen on reading at the moment. And if not, then I would borrow any book from the school library, which I don't think is much different from the book fair thing. I just want to read and that's it.

Apart from that, I went to the AUC and got this application forum. And even in this, things weren't as easy as I thought they would be. They said we had to pass or do this exam to transfer to the university. My dad started worried and imagining obstacles, which make me believe that I won't attend this university after I am starting to like the place and all. Never mind, you never know which college you'll join so early, in my opinion at least. You just attend one and after a while you find yourself in it, with all it's pros and cons.

I guess that's it with exaggeration for today.

A question:
What does it take to be a writer? Why do 'we' call certain people writers and others not?
I just thought about this idea and want to compare my opinion to yours (anyone's), so feel free to add any and every answer!!

First impressions!!
Well, long time no post. I was just busy, but now I'm as free as I can be. I don't know why this happens to me every time?Whenever I am busy I always find plenty of things to talk about and have this 'desire' to write and speak out some thoughts in my mind. And then, when I'm free and have so much time to do whatever I want, I lose all these thoughts. I don't know, it's a bit annoying.
So, I will just talk about anything popping up into my mind. I just remembered that I once read that the novel 'Pride and Prejudice' was actually named 'First impressions' before coming out with the name we know nowadays. Though 'Pride and Prejudice' is the most fitting name to the novel I also like 'First impressions'. Don't you think we're a bit affected by the first impressions we make? Don't you, moreover, think that most of the time these first impressions are wrong and force us into false roads? When thinking over some things I've done in the past and some opinions I've built in the past just because of first impressions, I regret being that shallow and jumping into conclusions without any reason. I mean first impressions could be fun when you say: Yeah, this guy seems boring. But this assumption shouldn't affect your opinion, this assumption can go no further, it just cannot be but an assumption. So, I would advise any of you not to take assumptions serious because they may drive you mad or let you miss some chances in knowing new people. Just as the case of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy: Their 'first impressions' on each other prevented them from knowing each other's real person and from falling in love with each other. Maybe this would be the case with any of us. Maybe the first impression obstacle would prevent us from getting to know people we might miss: friends, relatives and people in general. Don't you think it would be unfortunate to lose things in such a simple way??!
Hope I could help with this post.

I'M 18..how nice? (is it good? I think I'm different, but a little bit before being 18..hehe)

Well well..It's exactly 12 am and it's MY BIRTHDAY today. I wish myself all the best in my next year and I wish that all my friends will stay beside me next year. Guys (if you happen to open the internet once in a while), I love you and always will. Can't imagine things without you.
Bas..other than that..a difference..Maybe I am more mature right now (actually it happened through the last year, of course not right now..:)) and found a new year to handle things.
Yes, I am proud of what I've achieved till now and hope I will be able to achieve what I want next year. What else? Nothing..I am not really celebrating my birthday with friends this year, as I don't have the time and temper to plan anything at the moment, even if this thing happens to be my bday. Nevertheless I am happy and wish myself the best..(yea yea..selfish me..hehe.nm)

Was wondering through some thoughts of mine and came up with this, thought it's worth sharing..could be dedicated to anyone, not only about love and affection:
But you walked away
I wanted to talk to you
in the middle of all the rush
I wanted to tell you some things I had in mind
some wonderings I needed to share
I wanted to express what's inside this brain of mine
I just didn't dare
Though I don't believe in coincidence
it happened
though it was of common sense
I didn't make any sound
Maybe it's just my luck:
To wish and never dare
To hope and you don't care
To fall for your stubborn heart
while I couldn't bear to part
Was it me who disconnected?
Was it me to make a move?
No..it's only you
you walked away

Happy Eid!
Hey there, how are you all? Well, we're having a feast at the moment (for those who don't know about it). Actually for me and my mates at school we're not really able to celebrate anythin the usual way because of the EXAMS. Nevertheless I am having a great time.
Yesterday me and some few friends went out to the movies and watched a good film, though I thought it's not that good at first. (Khyana mashru3a). I had a nice time. Not all of my friends joined us, but I was like "I want to go out of this house and whatever it takes". (That's why I'm making a big fuss out of it.) Had some interesting talks and was refreshed. But then I came home late and had to listen to my mom being angry and blaming me for being late and going out once during the whole holidays..But I survived and that's it. I had to change moods and I think it was a great push for me.
And here I am today, still enjoying my time. Heard about Sadam's death, yeah.
To Mori: I don't really know what you critisize about the judgement. I don't know if it's right for a human being to 'kill someone else' even though if it was judicial.
Anyways..I have to go again..See you later and happy feast, everyone and anyone.

2006!!!!!!!Oh dear!!
Yesterday there was this programme on TV talking about 2006 and how people would generally consider it. Though I would think this question really annoying and stupid, I found it interesting listening to various perceptions from very different points of view.
It turned out that this year has a majority of bad occurences in it. Many celebrities and personally close people to me died. It wasn't such a pleasant year I daresay. It was also full of surprises, also unpleasant ones. I really never thought some events could take place, not to me or to people so close to me. Such events, I don't really want to reveal right now, were at first astonishing but then happened to be an everyday life.
That's not the point. The point is I was really somehow astonished by the number of bad occurences happening in general, and in my country and surrounding in specific. Of course there are also these typical Egyptians unaware of anything happening in their country or even to them. Wonder when they're going to wake up some day and revolt before it's too late. It's definitely high time to prove that Egyptians aren't what people say about them, not only to prove them wrong but to defend some moral principles we have to believe in.
For a while, exactly when watching the last stupid, purposeless demonstration in Al-Azhar, I was wondering whether we really want to prove the American prejudice wrong or we want to give them more and more evidence to offend us and insult our humanity. Because if we really aren't what they say, which I'm sure of, why don't we act accordingly and defend our lgoic and ourselves furthermore.
I don't know what to add. I am glad I was given the oppurtinity to think and to say my opinion properly, at least in here. Maybe other people don't get what a dangerous stage we've reached because they simply weren't given the same chance. But is human rights and equality something you believe in and recommend only when you're highly educated or ain't it rather something naturally??!!
In hope for a better future..what can I say.

Was a nice day indeeeed.. :D
What can I say, it was a very nice day. I had soo much fun and I really enjoyed how we all interacted in such a way. For people who don't know: we had this day free, gave each other presents and were hyperactive and funny the whole day long. I will miss you, guys and I will always cherish these precious moments of ours.
It's like the days we've got to party and have fun in order to get ready for the next difficult (vor allem boring) days. There's a birthday on Thursday and I hope I will be able to come. Me and my friends are meeting before the brithday to watch Pride and Prejudice. (for me it's the million time, for them just the first time..so excited).
I hope everything will be as nice as it was today.
I'm just happy and wanted to share this with you.
well, have nothing else to say..hope you're all doing great.
see you later!!

That's life??!!well..
Ok..let's start counting some stuff annoying me or actually ASTONISHING me
First of all..I was a good, in a way happy human being. I struggled from time to time, but I found my way out at the end of the day. Exactly this description doesn't fit anymore. I feel that nowadays things can't be going well (at least with me)..you can't just say things are going fine with me..cause that means either you're neglecting things or you're not saying the truth.
How can things be fine when I feel there are these people doing nothing but being hypocrites and other people believing in what they say?
How can things be fine when for more than two weeks me and my surrounding aren't feeling good at all..or do you call constant crying feeling good?
How can things be fine when members of one group (not to speak of family members) lack the communication link with each other and have found nothing else to do than amuse themselves by either showing how perfect and brilliant they are (which is pretense by the way) or making fun of each other. Helping each other or just being yourself seems to be old-fashioned fantasy these days..
How can things be fine when I work hard and don't get what I deserve, which declines to not feeling fairly treated, filling myself (actually I'm not the only one) with despair and frustration??And believe me unfairness is the most thing one can hate and feel uncomfortable living with.
I do my work, ask if I need help and all.. But no..that doesn't seem enough (at all) these days. What should we do? You should go to a private teacher (still didn't finish) AND make him feed you with the words you need in a presentation..(let me be specific..not the words you need, the exact words you have to say..so you don't need anything more than pronouncing them, which is easy after some practise (..) ) That's how you're supposed to get your grades. Or ..yeah..I'm so unfair, there is another way of getting grades, on which you don't really have influence: If you're lucky enough you'll get fair, understanding teachers. (Hard luck or in German: PECH GEHABT..if you didn't get good teacher..)
You know what? People are sick of us saying this and complaining about it..Well, I'm sick,too. I'm sick that I can't get better things just because of my luck or the fact that I don't want to fully rely on private teachers.
Don't tell me that's what happens at every school. No, it doesn't. When you attend this school for one specific reason which is to graduate with this Abitur, they really do have to pay attention to make it a fair system, because that's what they (the school founding fathers or whoever) and our school is famous for. Or were their talks about fairness only for advertisement..no more? Maybe it will influence this one's future or career or whatever if they corrected the system somehow. Besides it feels so bad when you're able to get better grades and you did what it takes, but you simply don't get them. Isn't it unfair or am I talking nonsense as usual?
And don't tell me the famous expression: : Life is unfair!!!
That wasn't the life I was told about when I was a child, that isn't the life I was living two years ago. What has changed? Is it me? Or does life have to be unfair when getting older? I am not imagining an Utopia or something like that..I am just astonished, frustrated and disappointed. I used to be better than this and I don't think it's my mistake (I'm willing to admit my faults if it logic I mean).
Of course I have to end this post with the famous optimistic wishes for another better future. I simply don't think it's going to take place. I have not given up, but I am a bit sceptic these days. It felt good being honest and letting go with some annoying facts of what happened to be my everyday life.
What if the future had something better in mind with me, with all of us? Let us just hope for it, and if it turns out differently then let us just dream of our Utopia!!

Final destination!!
I am glad we finished the exams, well glad wouldn't be fitting because they weren't that good. I am just happy we are finished..Btw we ARE literally finished (dead), because of these exams. I also wish the people doing "nachschreiben" all the best.
Well, finally I am relieved once again. Believe me, these two weeks were the most dreadful, stressful weeks I've ever had. I am excited that on Thursday there are many people having parties and all, it's just the sort of refreshment I needed. (there is a "7-meter" meeting..and also a birthday.) I missed this feeling that there won't be anyone telling me to go and study, though I still have some things to do, but exams have a special stress I dare say.
Today was a stressing day for many of us, but I guess the day will come when we will all look back at the current days and just laugh at our reaction towards school stuff in general. I sometimes say..It's just school, a bit too early for such horror scenes we imagine. I truly believe things are gonna be just fine..one day..some day..(Just don't ask when!!)
By the way, just remembered, Diana, I hope you're doing fine now and that everything is alright. Hopefully you will recover soon and will update us with everything. I will be praying for you as I said before.
I had so much fun today at school and I think things are getting somehow better for all of us, though it doesn't really show that much. And also if things didn't get better, I guess it's best to enjoy the moment and not to think about anything which may bother us or worsen our good mood. Let's just erase everything else than being happy (don't be selfish..just happy). At least this is what I've been trying to do lately. But I will admit I failed most of the time. Nevertheless I am giving it a try.
I guess I have nothing more to say.. let's wait and see.

Little me!!
Well, this simply is me when I was a child. It's ok, not that bad. hehe
As I said before, I wish I can reveal the old memories of the old days and all. I mean life is quite ok from time to time, so I don't have to be so dramatic.
Anyways, I was just tagged by farah, which would be the only reason for me to show this picture in here. (wouldn't have done it unless forced :)) Sorry for the bad quality, not a professional in capturing or whatever it is at all.
See you in the next post.

A pleasant dream
Imagine these two persons..just any two persons, a guy and a girl. Both of them have this feeling for each other. Each one of them keeps this feeling inside and doesn't share it with anyone else, not with each other.
She just can't imagine that this guy considers her existence in the first place, though they talk from time to time.They talk about everything but not themselves. She thinks she's not his type, but she wishes she was.She wishes she would get the chance to join his thoughts for a single second. Nevertheless she has never dared talk to him about it, never dared to even think about doing so. He also has such feelings: He's too shy to admit he cares for her, though he can't help thinking of her and revealing each and every single talk they had. Whenever he sees her, he just keeps it short to avoid showing the blood rushing into his face and filling him with embarrassment. Then he just can't help looking back at her after she turns around to go her own way.
Was just a pleasant thought I had. Sorry for not completing it, but I think it looks better this way: a scene coming up to my mind and drifting away.
Why I am out of this 'gloomy-thoughts' phase is that I have nearly finished my exams, only one to go. I just wanted to get some rest from the stress and all. Wanted to have free thoughts and express some happy, wandering imaginations.

Being a loser(What can I do??)
Ever felt you don't know who to listen to? People? Friends? Parents? Yourself?
What if you wanted to choose to listen to yourself and decided you're the right one? What if you were furthermore convinced of your opinion and perspective? What if you just can't go on with what you're convinced is right because it's just either not realistic anymore or not practical??What if you feel yourself falling in some delusion and not able to get out of it? What if this delusion is exactly the sort of distraction you wanted to prevent?
They say this stupid teenage phase is the part where you have to build up your personality, which influences your future life. What if you are too weak to do so? Are you lost then? What if you feel everyone around are knowing what they're doing and that they're on the right track, whereas you're left amongst all your questions? What if it is time out for you to change or help yourself, because you just can't or won't or whatever? What if at some point you just can't help falling apart because you never thought you'll be a loser one day? What if you want to change but haven't got what it takes or don't asln know what it takes??
What if deep inside you you know you're right, but that simply doesn't match with what's happening to you? What if people around you are either not getting what you say or blaming you for what you do??
What if all this happened? What are you supposed to react? Please don't tell me the usual stuff about having faith in yourself, because faith isn't always what you lack.
Sorry for being upset, but it's not my fault. Maybe it is. I just felt this way and wanted to share it.

Wash your worries away!
I had a tough week and I'm glad the weekend is here once again..time to rest and have some fun away from stress.
Well, DJ, I want to thank you a lot for your care and support, means a lot to me, because I needed it. About the testings and stuff, it didn't change that much, I just hope the last ones will be better.
But, at the end, what counts are the good moments, so I gotta start focusing on the bright side, and only the bright side.
Don't know what to add else than being tired, exhausted and happy for the long-awaited weekend.
It's so strange, because throughout the weekend I had so much in mind and wanted to talk about many things, and then now I'm here and out of all these things I was so excited to write on. I so much miss the vacation, where I could do whatever I want whenever i wanted to do it. Even reading, I could read everything I wanted and write about anything, but now I'm forced to do certain things and prevent myself from others. That's life..
I have to go anyways, just stopping by for a change. But I think it's high time to stand up and go to sleep because my mom is sending me those ordering, scary looks telling me to move my but. Haven't got any choice but to obey, so see you later. Hope everything is fine with all of us, really wish this day will come. I kind of feeling it coming towards us...can see it from here..lol..wana sleep..bye

Pride and Prejudice (my fav. movie)

I liked the idea of Mori with "A walk to remember" ..so I came up with the idea of posting my favorite movie,especially after I found out that everyone around me is feeling bad and that things aren't going well almost everywhere. So maybe posting about something pleasant would do.
Actually it means alot to me. Whenever I'm feeling down or bored I watch it and kind of isolate myself from any surroundings and sorrows and keep just watching it with my mouth opened because I am simply impressed with what 's happening, though others may think it's a stupid story and all.
I tell them: I don't care. I just love the novel and the movie. You just didn't watch it the way I did!!

Mori wrote a poem about "A walk to remember". I did something similar when I first read the novel. I started sort of making an ad for the movie and the author, though Jane Austen died long ago I guess.
(Sounds lame, but I did it and it felt good doing so.)

Well, I will just paste it here and share it with you: (Actually wasn't sure I was going to show it to public, but it isn't a big deal y3ni..)

Pride and Prejudice
Too good to be true!!

What a story and what a movie? How can the combination of a proud male and a prejudiced female exist and join in such a wonderful, harmonic way? We all have to thank Jane Austen for blessing us with her extraordinary, simple, breathtaking master piece ‘Pride and Prejudice’.

She didn’t know this would happen to her one day. She didn’t dream that the man she scorned most, who considered her ‘a barely tolerable partner’, would propose to her to his fullest weakness and surrender to her ‘bewitchment’. Who could think that this proud, cold-appearing young man would fall in love in such an unexpected, agonized way? Who could think that beneath this bitterness of appearance, such an undeniable love would succeed to take place and gain full control of him? He, who was taught every good manner, but not how to show his affection for his beloved one? He, even if not showing it, lived under the delusion of waiting for her answer of his proposal. Whereas he was taught everything, he missed this one thing: He lacks ‘the talent of conversing with people he isn’t well acquainted of’. As he said, he knew everything about manners but nothing about affection and showing the burning struggle beyond his pride.

Even though all this was true, there was this connection which managed to join both characters, who at first seemed indifferent, but eventually proved to be so similar. They didn’t change as much as they took off their bordering masks of impression. Because it wasn’t him she thought of when judging the “so rich” Mr Darcy, she only talked about the man who ‘wounded her vanity’. And as she mentioned: ‘I can always forgive his vanity, has he not wounded mine’.

And here it did happen: the graceful, long-awaited combination between the indifferent, similar poles and provided us this magical, true love. This love, symbolic for hope and faith that the world is still full of admirable miracles, which strikes the first-impression habit and proves it wrong.

With this film, Jane Austen wanted to lighten us with hope in love and forces us to live to the fullest extent, as the time of miracles hasn’t yet extinct. Having any doubts? Go and watch the film!

Fighting for survival

No, I won't keep crying, regretting and fade away out of despair. Why don't I try to survive what I think is unfair and can't be dealt with ? At the end it's the only happy solution I got. I guess I'm one of those persons who goes to everything and every feeling to its extremes, and therefore I have to pay for not staying in a mid line.
Why don't I look at what bothers me from another point of view?! Let us pretend I'm another person, say ME. Me is telling me about a problem she has and I have to help her get through it and get out of her bad mood. (By the way, I don't mind you calling me mad or schizophrenic, I would rather agree with you. But, excuse me and my insanity, it just happens to be my only way of survival. I've already failed in proving I'm right, so being insane won't really make a big difference.) Let 'me' listen to this sick, stupid Me while she's annoying me with her problems:
First of all, (people at my school would get what I say) I would look like a stupid student and all, but I'm having a problem at school, which can be summed up in the following: We (my class) has a stupid teacher. I wouldn't mind his stupidity as long as he wouldn't have harmed me with it. But, unfortunately he did cause me much pain with his overwhelming stupidity. By the by, it's not only me saying he's stupid, I've shown my exam to an experienced one out of school who told me I deserve a better grade. Then I started to ask who's responsible for students suffering from their teacher's stupidity. I found out the following: There is no exact person responsible for such a WEIRD problem. And if this person exists then he will either say I don't deserve more in order to avoid any crashes with my stupid teacher or he will say I'm right, but he hasn't got the authority to talk to him or disagree with him officially. I know this can happen every now and then at school, but I can't believe that this is how my last school year is going to look like. I wonder why each time I try to remember the good old days they pour such bad things on my face, so that I won't be able to do nothing but hate this place forever. But, you know what? They won't really achieve destroying my last school year, because I DID spend nice times at this place and I will always cherish these memories with such precious mates and friends. It just makes me upset to feel that my future can depend on some stupid creatures and that I am not able to revolt, because it will turn against me after all. And sometimes you just can't stop this revolution inside you, so you fall in deep crying. I am not saying I am a genius and I am the best person on earth, I just want to be treated properly and here's the tricky part: logically and fairly.
Here's my suggestion: Proceed, no matter what happens. (But this isn't enough at some moments, I have nothing else to say about it though.) What have I got to do else than fall and rise and keep rising and falling till this year ends. And then the suffering won't end after this year will end, because I will be missing all this days with all the suffering and most of all the laughing and the fun we're 'managing' to have. Yes, I know, friends will stay friends forever and stuff, and I am hoping me and my friends will stick together after all. But it won't be at the same place, we will have to leave this place and miss it (paradoxically enough in comparison to my complaints.) But I guess that's life and though it seems hard and even impossible to consider everyday life a memory, one will be able to deal with it, forget about the pain and most important take out some nice things with him on the way to the future: memories and friends.

This is one of those days when I don't feel 'I'm alive'.I happen to view things from a 'spectator's point of view', which includes judging everything (almost) through a critical eye. I admit this is an exaggeration and that I shouldn't be so critical and isolating myself, but I guess a stop from time to time wouldn't be that bad, especially when this stop will help you clear your mind or at least let go of some things bothering you.
First, I happen to realize after serious watching and analyzing that there are some hypocrites around me. My problem is not how they allow themselves to do so or how they lack such basic morals and all. It is rather the people who believe them and also believe in them that bothers me. I mean I know these really nice people who appear to be friends with others. And these others believe they like them and consider them friends. I just feel sorry for these others, especially since one of them (the deceived 'friend') happens to be one of my friends. I can't help the feeling that I have to tell this person, but -of course- it would be a very bad thing to do. I guess I just have to step aside and if something will get to be known then it doesn't have to be me to do so, because I hate it when people interfere in my own stuff, so I shouldn't do it to other people.
Second delusion: Why do I get the feeling of endless disappointment and that I don't have the power to give any effort in life in general. No motivation leads to constant despair and I guess this is such a hopeless case. Because if you got used to this feeling it develops to a habit, which I am afraid is what I am suffering from at the moment. It's just drives me crazy because I was never such a passive person, so I kind of feel sorry for myself and for what I can offer in my life. It is also therefore an annoying thing to go through because it -most paradoxic- feels good to be passive. It's like drugs: You know you're about to lead yourself to your own end, nevertheless you won't (can't !!) stop it, because it just feels comfortable and is much easier. But I think I still can do something to this problem, as it's never too late to improve yourself. (Even though circumstances don't help that much.)
Will continue later, because -of course- these ^ aren't the only illusions in one's life. I am just too exhausted to even share.

Inhuman and disgraceful
If you expect me to be one of those persons so sensitive and interested all the time in general matters and the lives of innocent people and all, then you're viewing the wrong blog. To make clear my point: I feel sorry for people leading a 'bad' life and all, but I don't think of them as often as other people do. But a few days ago, I got to know about some incident taking place in down town (here in Cairo) and it didn't only make me feel upset and insecure in my own country, it provoked me so much.
Well, I don't want to talk about it in detail, as I don't want to remember it or reveal it to the ones who know nothing about it, because it will worsen the image of the place I belong to.
It's just about a few boys (cowards actually), who got (I don't know what to call it) like turned on by some kind of belly dancer (,who was advertising for her stupid, new movie near down town or something like that). So they went to the streets, saw a couple of girls with scarfs (Kopftuch in German) and decided (most irrationally) to cut their clothes and sort of abuse them this way or the other. As far as I know, the abuse didn't really extend to sexual abuse, one can just call it sexual harassment: Thank God, the girls weren't harmed by this attack more than getting their clothes cut, which is humiliating enough. But I mean they weren't raped or something like that.
Well, there's nothing to say about this other than it being inhuman and brutal. I mean where are we supposed to be living? And where were the people at the time of the accident?Or they preferred to watch and not to defend the poor girls, which by the way were having a head scarf on, so doesn't it ring any bell whatsoever, though in civilized regions you don't need a scarf to show that you're religious or to protect yourself from sexual harassment.
Apart from that I personally can't get that these cowards were completely out of their senses, that they were 'turned on' by some dancer and therefore wanted to satisfy their sexual needs and practise it on some girls they found walking harmlessly in the streets.
I know these things can happen and are happening every now and then, but only in dark regions or in places where there is war or where there's some lack of supervision. But here in our country, though we have plenty of things missing and all, there is still no war and I assumed (apparently wrong was my assumption) one was supposed to get some help when being attacked, in the middle of every disturbance in our country's system.
No!I was simply wrong. What was done was that some newspapers kept twisting this accident and changing it that it would fit in the perfect image of our country.
I wonder why they prefer to twist facts in other people's minds as well as in their own? Why don't they try to face facts in bright light and punish the guilty ones, instead of imagining false images?? We all know or can expect the answer.
I am just glad I don't belong to any of the irrational groups I'm surrounded by. I am glad I'm unique enough to use reason (which by the way differs us human beings from fellow creatures). I am glad I am still able to 'keep' my humanity and I am not like those cowards, who lack the ability to control oneself and prefer to be lead and forced by our animatic instincts.
There is this voice telling me that there's still hope in this life and that our group will somehow succeed in delivering a human message.