It is universally acknowledged that any human being won't stick to his/her routine for a long time, meaning: the term routine is a temporary description applying for nobody and anybody.
It is also of equal consideration that nobody will ever have to face the trouble of forgetting the ones he loved and died, the ones he lived with and so on, because God gave us all the gift of forgetting each and everything, equally to the power of resisting this gift and the strong will to hold on to certain memories. That's why it is up to us: whether to love forever or not, whether to hate forever or not, whether to have a temporary routine or not.
But as common sense requires, any reasonable person keeps deep feelings (were they pride or vanity, intimacy whatsoever), experiences and pictures in his mind, which he can check on once and a while when fate reminds him of them. All these pieces are joined together, creating each and every one's perception of life and living.
So, any person we lose, which would make a broken heart of us, could be somehow recurred by the passing of time, the changing of routine.
Anyone who reads this may ask himself: So what? We all know this long ago. Or just: Nonsense.
What I am intending to express is that we can sometimes lose this lover or this boy/girlfriend (that's something expected, as real love is a part of any by passing though precious routine). The one thing we can never replace or make amends to is family. And by family I don't only mean parents and relatives, I also mean those dear friends who have been so important in our lives as to become part of our family for some time.
I just wish that whenever life tries to do us and our dearest ones apart, we will be able to hold on to them, dead or alive, forever or occasionally.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
When life detaches to memories
Remember being a child? Remember how good it felt to be out of responsibilities, serious trouble and worries? Remember when nothing but your imaginary life seemed to count? Each time I remember these good old days, I can't help wishing for the opportunity to live these days again, though now is the important, wise but crazy life.
Why I remembered childhood phase especially these days is because I found out that we're entering a similar phase: a phase where we're supposed to give up (for a short time) what used to be our everyday life and turn to a bigger, newer and more important part of our life journey. It's another phase where we get to notice events and regularities fade away in pictures of memories. As much as it hurts for a while, as much as it takes some time and passes away, giving us the chance to concentrate on the next stage of our life chain.
Even though we're going away, leaving places we used to hang on, saying goodbye to people who were definitely included in our lives, we can still profit from such a phase and make the best of everything. Leaving one's place doesn't necessarily mean missing one's precious memories and friends. If we could manage to keep in touch with the good friends we gained throughout the years, then it's the best gift we're giving to ourselves. Every adult I know keeps telling me that the best time in his life was either at school or at university, and that his school and college friends are still his 'life companions' since then.
That's what I am -and hope we all are- trying to do the last few remaining days. I know and admit there are these people one can never get along with (for whatever a reason), but we all have to try to hold on to the friends we have and avoid every single possibility of losing them. Because if our school friends are the ones we can never find anywhere else, then it is our duty to stick to this friendship bond and never let anything or anyone do us apart.
Matter of fact, without school or teenage memories one can never go on with one's life. They are there for us, reminding us how weak we were one day, but how we struggled and proved to be strong once again. So, guys, stick to your memories and never let them go, because if you lost your memories, then you're pretty much losing an essential part of your identity and your life.
Why I remembered childhood phase especially these days is because I found out that we're entering a similar phase: a phase where we're supposed to give up (for a short time) what used to be our everyday life and turn to a bigger, newer and more important part of our life journey. It's another phase where we get to notice events and regularities fade away in pictures of memories. As much as it hurts for a while, as much as it takes some time and passes away, giving us the chance to concentrate on the next stage of our life chain.
Even though we're going away, leaving places we used to hang on, saying goodbye to people who were definitely included in our lives, we can still profit from such a phase and make the best of everything. Leaving one's place doesn't necessarily mean missing one's precious memories and friends. If we could manage to keep in touch with the good friends we gained throughout the years, then it's the best gift we're giving to ourselves. Every adult I know keeps telling me that the best time in his life was either at school or at university, and that his school and college friends are still his 'life companions' since then.
That's what I am -and hope we all are- trying to do the last few remaining days. I know and admit there are these people one can never get along with (for whatever a reason), but we all have to try to hold on to the friends we have and avoid every single possibility of losing them. Because if our school friends are the ones we can never find anywhere else, then it is our duty to stick to this friendship bond and never let anything or anyone do us apart.
Matter of fact, without school or teenage memories one can never go on with one's life. They are there for us, reminding us how weak we were one day, but how we struggled and proved to be strong once again. So, guys, stick to your memories and never let them go, because if you lost your memories, then you're pretty much losing an essential part of your identity and your life.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I hate to be a rival!!
Yes, I do hate to be a rival, not in a friendship. A friendship can't be forced, nor can it be fought. Why don't people let friends stay friends. Why do I have to pay for the fact that there is a jealous human being living in the middle of me and my friends. You never know what this jealousy can bring, and you never know how silly being jealous is unless you're in my shoes at this very moment.
As much as this topic is gross to me, I would like to put an end to it in this post, even though I won't (maybe) show it to anyone concerned. At least, I want to throw the burden thrown on me with no reason but me being an honest person:
I don't care who thinks what of me. I just don't want to be a rival. I don't approve of this. So, I hope anyone could deliver this message to anyone who still plans to offend my honesty and my relationship with friends or enemies. I am the sort of person who can't stay still while people around me keep spreading lies and faking the damn truth. Even if this statement would cost me some or anyone of my close friends, I can't really change who I am and who I want to be.
It's just annoying when people don't stop spreading lies, because they're simply feeling insecure. To these people: if you really can find nothing interesting or proper in you but your ability to fake reality, then you would be nothing but a pathetic, hopeless case, which I wouldn't bare to help.
You know what? It doesn't really matter if such people existed or vanished. It's not my problem if they don't want to help themselves. What I seriously hope is to keep in touch with my intimate friends. I really don't want our friendship to be affected by anyone who feels himself capable of annoying others. I am not threatening anyone or myself. I am just fed up with all this story and want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I hope bonds will prove themselves strong through the crowd of hypocrisy surrounding us. And if friends stopped believing (and believing in) each other, then they have to reconsider their friendship. Sorry to say so, but I won't let anyone ruin my damn ideologies, because they would be the only thing left after a friendship is endangered.
I am holding onto the hope that I am just exaggerating, because this topic is nothing but gross.
To the ones who still think they care about me:
Please, guys, if what you claim about our friendship is true, then try to ignore all the other things. Because it makes me feel bad when people I respect and love give credit to senseless stuff.
If we really are friends, then we shouldn't let anything come between us because it would ruin us and our relationship. (if it counts anyhow)
I am sorry to make a big fuss out of it, but I was indirectly showing you how annoying it is to listen to your dearest ones pay attention to things that don't count. Hope not to be misunderstood, for the sake of it. Take it easy as I am trying to, too.
We won't survive the annoyance, we will survive the misunderstanding phase, because I can sense its end so soon. Don't you hope so,too?
As much as this topic is gross to me, I would like to put an end to it in this post, even though I won't (maybe) show it to anyone concerned. At least, I want to throw the burden thrown on me with no reason but me being an honest person:
I don't care who thinks what of me. I just don't want to be a rival. I don't approve of this. So, I hope anyone could deliver this message to anyone who still plans to offend my honesty and my relationship with friends or enemies. I am the sort of person who can't stay still while people around me keep spreading lies and faking the damn truth. Even if this statement would cost me some or anyone of my close friends, I can't really change who I am and who I want to be.
It's just annoying when people don't stop spreading lies, because they're simply feeling insecure. To these people: if you really can find nothing interesting or proper in you but your ability to fake reality, then you would be nothing but a pathetic, hopeless case, which I wouldn't bare to help.
You know what? It doesn't really matter if such people existed or vanished. It's not my problem if they don't want to help themselves. What I seriously hope is to keep in touch with my intimate friends. I really don't want our friendship to be affected by anyone who feels himself capable of annoying others. I am not threatening anyone or myself. I am just fed up with all this story and want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I hope bonds will prove themselves strong through the crowd of hypocrisy surrounding us. And if friends stopped believing (and believing in) each other, then they have to reconsider their friendship. Sorry to say so, but I won't let anyone ruin my damn ideologies, because they would be the only thing left after a friendship is endangered.
I am holding onto the hope that I am just exaggerating, because this topic is nothing but gross.
To the ones who still think they care about me:
Please, guys, if what you claim about our friendship is true, then try to ignore all the other things. Because it makes me feel bad when people I respect and love give credit to senseless stuff.
If we really are friends, then we shouldn't let anything come between us because it would ruin us and our relationship. (if it counts anyhow)
I am sorry to make a big fuss out of it, but I was indirectly showing you how annoying it is to listen to your dearest ones pay attention to things that don't count. Hope not to be misunderstood, for the sake of it. Take it easy as I am trying to, too.
We won't survive the annoyance, we will survive the misunderstanding phase, because I can sense its end so soon. Don't you hope so,too?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
How does people's opinion affect us?
Is it about people? Or about you? Not only the decisions you have to take but the whole principles of your life, can they be affected by other people or not? Can you build up your opinions and your basic point of viewing life on what people say?
The answer would be no, of course. But there are these times when you really can't go on unless your direction is identical to the flow's. And what if your opinion doesn't match with the one of the flow? Do you have to rearrange your whole system? Does it mean you have to turn everything upside down? Will you keep changing your perspective just because of circumstances or people forcing you to? NO!!
Okay, no is an easy answer. But what does this NO mean? A conservative person would simply tell you: It means your principles can't be affected by other's judgement.
I would say: As long as you are convinced from the inside of what you believe to be your basic path in life, you should stick to it. By doing this step you are pretty much announcing you are ready for all sorts of attacks all around you. But guess what? No one is ready for life and the surprises life is hiding for us. Nevertheless, we don't have to give up.
I think that when God sees us and notices we're not giving up our moral beliefs, he won't let us drown and keep watching. Sometimes life seems as if no one cares for us anymore, because we're somehow different than the flow. But this isn't really true. Whenever I feel down and think it's the end with me, my dreams, my beliefs and therefore my future, something happens in order to show me how wrong I was. We have to, or at least I try to, hold on to this thought that God is watching me somewhere and that He just wants me to hang in there and that his support will more or less come in the right time.
Nevertheless, this doesn't deny that people may sometimes be right in their opinions. One shouldn't totally ignore what people say. I guess, one should be objective enough to know whether what they say is true or nonsensical. And maybe people would be right in this thing or the other. Maybe their opinion would really convince us of changing this or that point in our way of thinking.
And changing some points or changing the way we handle things doesn't necessarily mean we were wrong. It only means that there was something missing in what we thought was right. And if this improvement stands for the fact that we're not perfect, then allow me to tell you that I would choose not to be perfect, because it makes me know why I choose the right way and why this is actually a right way.
The answer would be no, of course. But there are these times when you really can't go on unless your direction is identical to the flow's. And what if your opinion doesn't match with the one of the flow? Do you have to rearrange your whole system? Does it mean you have to turn everything upside down? Will you keep changing your perspective just because of circumstances or people forcing you to? NO!!
Okay, no is an easy answer. But what does this NO mean? A conservative person would simply tell you: It means your principles can't be affected by other's judgement.
I would say: As long as you are convinced from the inside of what you believe to be your basic path in life, you should stick to it. By doing this step you are pretty much announcing you are ready for all sorts of attacks all around you. But guess what? No one is ready for life and the surprises life is hiding for us. Nevertheless, we don't have to give up.
I think that when God sees us and notices we're not giving up our moral beliefs, he won't let us drown and keep watching. Sometimes life seems as if no one cares for us anymore, because we're somehow different than the flow. But this isn't really true. Whenever I feel down and think it's the end with me, my dreams, my beliefs and therefore my future, something happens in order to show me how wrong I was. We have to, or at least I try to, hold on to this thought that God is watching me somewhere and that He just wants me to hang in there and that his support will more or less come in the right time.
Nevertheless, this doesn't deny that people may sometimes be right in their opinions. One shouldn't totally ignore what people say. I guess, one should be objective enough to know whether what they say is true or nonsensical. And maybe people would be right in this thing or the other. Maybe their opinion would really convince us of changing this or that point in our way of thinking.
And changing some points or changing the way we handle things doesn't necessarily mean we were wrong. It only means that there was something missing in what we thought was right. And if this improvement stands for the fact that we're not perfect, then allow me to tell you that I would choose not to be perfect, because it makes me know why I choose the right way and why this is actually a right way.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Different impressions
I have realized I was sort of criticizing what I just did. It felt bad, because I was doing exactly what the ones I hated did, except I did notice it and I don't think it occurred often.
Why doesn't it last, this feeling that things are just fine, simply feeling good? Why does it seem as if good things don't last, neither good one nor bad ones to be honest? Things change I guess, in order to make us less bored, in order to escape from the routine life would bring along if we were always happy.
I think the tricky part is for us to stop blaming fate or blaming anyone. It's a chance for us to prove we are strong and flexible enough to handle things when they go the way we don't prefer.
And I am telling you as a result of a personal experience: The time when you think everything is messed up, is exactly the time missing out of your life, because things won't stay complicated, definitely not if you wanted them to change to the contrary and done something towards that change. So, feeling bad is practically wasting one's time one way or the other.
Discussing is becoming one of the things I like. I always prefer to be as objective as possible. But sometimes it just doesn't work out the way it was supposed to do, especially when it comes to sensitive and personal subjects. I think that's a test of its own: Being able to stay and keep yourself neutral, though the subject talked about concerns you, concerns matters you believed and always will; politics and one's country for instance.
The last few days, we had some discussions and there occurred some (halfway offensive) opinions about groups I belong to, such as my country, my ethnic group so to speak. Apart from the fact that it feels bad when the place you live in is messed up somehow, it feels sort of obnoxious and drives me crazy sometimes when people are stubborn enough to claim they are right, when they simply no nothing of the country. I won't disagree if someone mentioned real facts, which contains some percentage of the truth, but it's provoking when people (not to speak of foreigners) add other information, which is by no means true.
This incidence made me a bit angry that I kind of lost control over myself. I mean, nothing happened except that I started to hate or scorn these people who are not of the same opinion as I am. And now I blame myself for blabbering the word "objective" and criticizing the ones who can't stay neutral, while -at the same time- I'm losing control over myself.
But, at the end, I realized this can happen. It's normal that one gets affected (emotional) when it comes to such topics. It's not that bad, I would say, because I noticed my fault and kind of am regretting it. I also hope people who would say anything, especially when their information is included in a serious discussion, then I would rather ask them (from the bottom of my heart) to be reassured of what they are saying, or else it would nothing be but offending other's belongings, which isn't pleasant, don't you think?
Why doesn't it last, this feeling that things are just fine, simply feeling good? Why does it seem as if good things don't last, neither good one nor bad ones to be honest? Things change I guess, in order to make us less bored, in order to escape from the routine life would bring along if we were always happy.
I think the tricky part is for us to stop blaming fate or blaming anyone. It's a chance for us to prove we are strong and flexible enough to handle things when they go the way we don't prefer.
And I am telling you as a result of a personal experience: The time when you think everything is messed up, is exactly the time missing out of your life, because things won't stay complicated, definitely not if you wanted them to change to the contrary and done something towards that change. So, feeling bad is practically wasting one's time one way or the other.
Discussing is becoming one of the things I like. I always prefer to be as objective as possible. But sometimes it just doesn't work out the way it was supposed to do, especially when it comes to sensitive and personal subjects. I think that's a test of its own: Being able to stay and keep yourself neutral, though the subject talked about concerns you, concerns matters you believed and always will; politics and one's country for instance.
The last few days, we had some discussions and there occurred some (halfway offensive) opinions about groups I belong to, such as my country, my ethnic group so to speak. Apart from the fact that it feels bad when the place you live in is messed up somehow, it feels sort of obnoxious and drives me crazy sometimes when people are stubborn enough to claim they are right, when they simply no nothing of the country. I won't disagree if someone mentioned real facts, which contains some percentage of the truth, but it's provoking when people (not to speak of foreigners) add other information, which is by no means true.
This incidence made me a bit angry that I kind of lost control over myself. I mean, nothing happened except that I started to hate or scorn these people who are not of the same opinion as I am. And now I blame myself for blabbering the word "objective" and criticizing the ones who can't stay neutral, while -at the same time- I'm losing control over myself.
But, at the end, I realized this can happen. It's normal that one gets affected (emotional) when it comes to such topics. It's not that bad, I would say, because I noticed my fault and kind of am regretting it. I also hope people who would say anything, especially when their information is included in a serious discussion, then I would rather ask them (from the bottom of my heart) to be reassured of what they are saying, or else it would nothing be but offending other's belongings, which isn't pleasant, don't you think?
Monday, February 26, 2007
An uprising motivation
Finally I am done with my last music exam. I can't believe it actually happened. To be honest, I don't really much care whether I did well or not, it's just something to celebrate.
What is also making me happier and happier is that I watched this really nice movie called "His and her Christmas". Although it's not realistic as all movies aren't, it's just funny and pleasant. I don't really much care if movies force us to think or not. I just need movies to enjoy my time and to have motivation, not to mention viewing life from a 'refreshed' point. Isn't that enough of a message??!
You know, it sometimes is disappointing when the 'link' between people is somehow missing. When you're sitting at school, trying to participate and then the (stupid) teacher either doesn't appreciate this fact or doesn't get what you are saying, not to mention the fact that some of them aren't really interested in what you say. Wonder why they were made teachers if they don't get what is meant by such a job. The only thing they (would) teach me is hating them and focusing on how to take revenge from such creatures. It may be partly my fault, but it's their major one.
The link is also missing when we're focusing on how to blame others and not ourselves. I mean I know the fact that there always are two in a problem. But don't you think we neglect the one part in a problem, which is ourselves? I have realized that we would win more if we had the ability to minimise how often we think others are guilty. I admit, it's some 'built-in' option in human beings: We tend to make ourselves look better, our voice sound higher and better, but it's really 'doable' to create a conscious whose job is to punish us when we are not blaming ourselves.
There are these people who tend to not neglect or ignore but sort of erase the phrase "I'm guilty" from their dictionary. As much as these people are (too) proud of themselves, they are also pathetic to a certain extent. They cause themselves too many sorrows and they force too much frustration in life than needed. Don't you think we have enough problems, that we don't need to force or invent more?
The problem is that if these people are children, it's not that difficult to prove them wrong, because that's the phase for teaching them and acknowledging them. But what if they're actually grown ups? What if they have exceeded the border of being taught by others? How can we inform them they are wrong without ever creating tension, without being called a trouble maker?
Without deep thinking on this topic, I guess there is no real solution for it except getting away from these persons. But there could be some practical way: One could at first leave them alone. Then one has to ask other people if they're facing the same problem we are when dealing with them (meaning their ego). If there happens to be a majority agreeing on the fact that they are really overreacting or exaggerating with their attitude, then we could find a way of talking to them, avoiding any hurt or fight.
Getting to this solution makes me relieved in a way or the other. It creates in me 'an uprising motivation'. On the one hand I am willing to admit I am one of these arrogant people (though I guess I'm not). On the other hand I am proud and motivated that it's not only me suffering from such attitude or let's say suffering from the provocation of such an arrogant attitude, proud that there are still (even if not many) open minded human beings on earth, able to differ between certain facts.
Hope we can make it to a brave new humanity, full of tolerance, communication and most of all love.
What is also making me happier and happier is that I watched this really nice movie called "His and her Christmas". Although it's not realistic as all movies aren't, it's just funny and pleasant. I don't really much care if movies force us to think or not. I just need movies to enjoy my time and to have motivation, not to mention viewing life from a 'refreshed' point. Isn't that enough of a message??!
You know, it sometimes is disappointing when the 'link' between people is somehow missing. When you're sitting at school, trying to participate and then the (stupid) teacher either doesn't appreciate this fact or doesn't get what you are saying, not to mention the fact that some of them aren't really interested in what you say. Wonder why they were made teachers if they don't get what is meant by such a job. The only thing they (would) teach me is hating them and focusing on how to take revenge from such creatures. It may be partly my fault, but it's their major one.
The link is also missing when we're focusing on how to blame others and not ourselves. I mean I know the fact that there always are two in a problem. But don't you think we neglect the one part in a problem, which is ourselves? I have realized that we would win more if we had the ability to minimise how often we think others are guilty. I admit, it's some 'built-in' option in human beings: We tend to make ourselves look better, our voice sound higher and better, but it's really 'doable' to create a conscious whose job is to punish us when we are not blaming ourselves.
There are these people who tend to not neglect or ignore but sort of erase the phrase "I'm guilty" from their dictionary. As much as these people are (too) proud of themselves, they are also pathetic to a certain extent. They cause themselves too many sorrows and they force too much frustration in life than needed. Don't you think we have enough problems, that we don't need to force or invent more?
The problem is that if these people are children, it's not that difficult to prove them wrong, because that's the phase for teaching them and acknowledging them. But what if they're actually grown ups? What if they have exceeded the border of being taught by others? How can we inform them they are wrong without ever creating tension, without being called a trouble maker?
Without deep thinking on this topic, I guess there is no real solution for it except getting away from these persons. But there could be some practical way: One could at first leave them alone. Then one has to ask other people if they're facing the same problem we are when dealing with them (meaning their ego). If there happens to be a majority agreeing on the fact that they are really overreacting or exaggerating with their attitude, then we could find a way of talking to them, avoiding any hurt or fight.
Getting to this solution makes me relieved in a way or the other. It creates in me 'an uprising motivation'. On the one hand I am willing to admit I am one of these arrogant people (though I guess I'm not). On the other hand I am proud and motivated that it's not only me suffering from such attitude or let's say suffering from the provocation of such an arrogant attitude, proud that there are still (even if not many) open minded human beings on earth, able to differ between certain facts.
Hope we can make it to a brave new humanity, full of tolerance, communication and most of all love.
Friday, February 23, 2007
The mirror of our lives
I read the lyrics of this song on Diana's blog and thought it's best to show it in here too. I liked it very much and hope you enjoy it, because it deserves our attention. It's like the mirror of our lives. Read it anyway!!
Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
Chorus:God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love them anyway
Chorus:God is great, but sometimes life ain't goodAnd when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway
I sing, I dream, I love, anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't goodAnd when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it shouldBut I do it anyway, I do it anyway!
Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
and you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
Chorus:God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love them anyway
Chorus:God is great, but sometimes life ain't goodAnd when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, sing it anyway
I sing, I dream, I love, anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't goodAnd when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it shouldBut I do it anyway, I do it anyway!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
When Abi started..
Abi is the proof whether your friends (or the new people who'll be your friends during this period) deserve to be called your friends or not.
At first we were all preparing for a happy end at school, has to do with the dream of getting good grades and all. I guess we all were planning on being emotional on the last school day, some of us kept saying things like: We'll stick together, no matter what will take place. We'll be friends forever and all this crap.
But, believe me when I tell you this, these people were exactly the people who denied the friendship as soon as they could. Reasons? Well..Just to prove they're right and to escape from something they said. Sometimes for grades. There are many reasons, I'm just not able to count all of them.
The truth popped out on several occasions, throughout the three years. Fact is: I don't really get how some people do the wrong thing and get upset and even angry (and are even willing to blame others) while they know they're guilty and that they did nothing towards making things better. How can they expect their being nice to be simply accepted while they didn't pay attention to the important part: making things right.
Never mind. That's one of the things which appeared to take much attention lately, has to do with the current and usual frustration, has to do with Abi.
Expect more than one post with this title or one which goes like: When Abi started - Part II.
Maybe I'll write a book and be famous..and then wake up from my dream.
At first we were all preparing for a happy end at school, has to do with the dream of getting good grades and all. I guess we all were planning on being emotional on the last school day, some of us kept saying things like: We'll stick together, no matter what will take place. We'll be friends forever and all this crap.
But, believe me when I tell you this, these people were exactly the people who denied the friendship as soon as they could. Reasons? Well..Just to prove they're right and to escape from something they said. Sometimes for grades. There are many reasons, I'm just not able to count all of them.
The truth popped out on several occasions, throughout the three years. Fact is: I don't really get how some people do the wrong thing and get upset and even angry (and are even willing to blame others) while they know they're guilty and that they did nothing towards making things better. How can they expect their being nice to be simply accepted while they didn't pay attention to the important part: making things right.
Never mind. That's one of the things which appeared to take much attention lately, has to do with the current and usual frustration, has to do with Abi.
Expect more than one post with this title or one which goes like: When Abi started - Part II.
Maybe I'll write a book and be famous..and then wake up from my dream.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
No good wishing
Deep inside
it hurts
seems I don't care
but the rhythm doesn't differ
it's the rhythm of today
and everyday
it's the rhythm of you and me
the crises we have to penetrate
Can't hide my sorrow
Can't do this anymore
Can't sacrifice anymore
Cause we can't hide our fakings and weakness
Just wanna hope for a better dream
Just wanna give you a good wishing
Wanna help myself out
without offending our deal
then I accuse you of the offence,
I myself did later on
So would it matter to blame
would it matter to care
if we don't even dare
to admit our faults
running for our sake
grabbing our conscience along
And when we reach home
we don't find
no home, no breath,
no conscience and no threat
It's all about human ego
it's all about us
Just wanna hope for a better dream
Just wanna tell you
there is no good wishing
if we stay guarded
it hurts
seems I don't care
but the rhythm doesn't differ
it's the rhythm of today
and everyday
it's the rhythm of you and me
the crises we have to penetrate
Can't hide my sorrow
Can't do this anymore
Can't sacrifice anymore
Cause we can't hide our fakings and weakness
Just wanna hope for a better dream
Just wanna give you a good wishing
Wanna help myself out
without offending our deal
then I accuse you of the offence,
I myself did later on
So would it matter to blame
would it matter to care
if we don't even dare
to admit our faults
running for our sake
grabbing our conscience along
And when we reach home
we don't find
no home, no breath,
no conscience and no threat
It's all about human ego
it's all about us
Just wanna hope for a better dream
Just wanna tell you
there is no good wishing
if we stay guarded
Monday, February 12, 2007
Being objective
No one, no matter how smart or tolerating he/she is, can be totally objective. That's simply something above human abilities: Nobody is perfect. But what we all can and should do is (at least in my opinion) to try to approximate perfection, meaning to try to be as objective as our abilities allow us to be. If we can achieve such a step, then almost all our unfair debates would be solved.
Objective has nothing to do with one's religion, one's ethnicity or one's culture. It's just a simple way which enables human beings to understand and tolerate their as well as other's opinions, even though both may differ (drastically).
Why does being objective NOT offend being religious? First of all being objective stands for the fact that each one has his own opinions, his own points of view, including his religious points of view. Second: some religions ask us to show others the right path and advise them in an appropriate way. Well, this, too, isn't against being objective. You can simply say your opinion in an objective way, which would make you fulfil what is required from you and still stay in the objective limit. For instance, I can say: Well, my religion tells me so and so. I have to do so and so. I believe in what I'm doing, though others are doing the contrary. (If I'm close to these others I can talk to them in private and discuss it with them if they want.)
Other than that no religion or belief or any other religious belongings ask anyone to do more than what I just mentioned. Besides, as far as Islam is concerned, I don't think tolerating with people who do the thing I don't do (or I'm not allowed to do because of my religion) or accepting what they do after advising them or disagreeing (by words, attitude or 'by my heart') with them in a proper way is a sin.
Last but not least, being objective is what prevents us from being either moral or 'principle-less', from being either radical or careless, from belonging to either extremes in any political, religious, cultural field.
I would love to be objective, actually I'm proud of choosing the tolerating way to express my opinion and I hope God will help me stay on the right path. :)
Objective has nothing to do with one's religion, one's ethnicity or one's culture. It's just a simple way which enables human beings to understand and tolerate their as well as other's opinions, even though both may differ (drastically).
Why does being objective NOT offend being religious? First of all being objective stands for the fact that each one has his own opinions, his own points of view, including his religious points of view. Second: some religions ask us to show others the right path and advise them in an appropriate way. Well, this, too, isn't against being objective. You can simply say your opinion in an objective way, which would make you fulfil what is required from you and still stay in the objective limit. For instance, I can say: Well, my religion tells me so and so. I have to do so and so. I believe in what I'm doing, though others are doing the contrary. (If I'm close to these others I can talk to them in private and discuss it with them if they want.)
Other than that no religion or belief or any other religious belongings ask anyone to do more than what I just mentioned. Besides, as far as Islam is concerned, I don't think tolerating with people who do the thing I don't do (or I'm not allowed to do because of my religion) or accepting what they do after advising them or disagreeing (by words, attitude or 'by my heart') with them in a proper way is a sin.
Last but not least, being objective is what prevents us from being either moral or 'principle-less', from being either radical or careless, from belonging to either extremes in any political, religious, cultural field.
I would love to be objective, actually I'm proud of choosing the tolerating way to express my opinion and I hope God will help me stay on the right path. :)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Eine Kurzgeschichte
Nein, ich sag ihm gar nichts und tue so, als ob ich ihn nicht kenne. Denn das ist genau, was er machen wird.
Das letzte Mal, wo wir uns trafen, da war ich total durch einander; ich war so aufgeregt, dass ich ihn beinahe geschubst habe und mein Gesicht brannte stark, dass er meine Unsicherheit wahrscheinlich bemerkt hatte.
Aber dieses Mal ..dies Mal muss ich ganz ruhig sein, als ob er für mich nichts wert ist, was ja zukünftig sein soll. Denn eins muss ich endlich begreifen: Meine Hoffnungen bezüglich dieser Person wird sich nie und nimmer erfüllen. Denn was hätte man anders erwatet, er ignoriert mich immer. Warum sollte ich mich eigentlich jedes Mal vorbereiten auf den bangen Moment..der Moment, an dem er an mich näher kommt. Was schon geschehen ist, unter uns bzw. mit uns, kann weder noch mal aufgegriffen noch verbessert werden.
Jetzt reiβ dich mal zusammen und es wird schon alles gut laufen. Es ist nur ein Moment und es wird nachher alles in Ordnung sein..hoffentlich..
Ist es wirklich ein Moment, der sofort vergeht? Ist es so leicht, wie ich es mir überzeugen will? Oder ist es eher nicht wie ein Schicksaalsmoment für mich?
Vorher muss ich mir überlegen, was zu machen ist, wenn er mit mir redet. Ich muss auch planen, was zu machen, wenn er –was ja höchstwahrscheinlich passieren würde- wenn er mich auch gar nicht anguckt.
Und dann kommt die Krise von nachher, also nach dem scheuβlichen, ja verdammten (wenn auch erwünschten) Moment: Warum hat er mich vernachlässigt, mich ignoriert? Warum hat er mindestens nicht danach gefragt, wie es mir geht?
Oder vielleicht –was übrigens auch möglich wäre-frage ich mich genau das Gegenteil: Warum hat er mit mir gesprochen? Warum ausgerechnet mit mir? Es gab ja viele andere Leute um uns an diesem Moment. Oder wusste er vielleicht, dass ich ihn irgendwie erwartete? Oder glaubte er, dass ich, und nur ich, die Antwort auf seine Frage weiβ? Auch wenn dies richtig wäre, dann wollte er eben die Antwort und nicht diejenige, die diese Antwort geben wird.
Warum quäle ich mich immernoch? Warum werfe ich mich andauernd in einem Meer, wovon mich niemand retten wird?! Warum will ich das Rest meines Lebens in Verwirrungen verbringen?! Warum will ich ihn nicht ein für alle Mal vergessen?! Habe ich mich nicht vor kurzem entschieden, dieses Thema zu schlieβen und nie wieder drauf einzugehgen. Denn er kennt mich nicht. Er weiβ ja höchstens, dass ich das eine oder andere Mal mit ihm gesprochen habe. Jedoch weiβ er nicht, wer ich bin. Bin ich nicht seine..
Das letzte Mal, wo wir uns trafen, da war ich total durch einander; ich war so aufgeregt, dass ich ihn beinahe geschubst habe und mein Gesicht brannte stark, dass er meine Unsicherheit wahrscheinlich bemerkt hatte.
Aber dieses Mal ..dies Mal muss ich ganz ruhig sein, als ob er für mich nichts wert ist, was ja zukünftig sein soll. Denn eins muss ich endlich begreifen: Meine Hoffnungen bezüglich dieser Person wird sich nie und nimmer erfüllen. Denn was hätte man anders erwatet, er ignoriert mich immer. Warum sollte ich mich eigentlich jedes Mal vorbereiten auf den bangen Moment..der Moment, an dem er an mich näher kommt. Was schon geschehen ist, unter uns bzw. mit uns, kann weder noch mal aufgegriffen noch verbessert werden.
Jetzt reiβ dich mal zusammen und es wird schon alles gut laufen. Es ist nur ein Moment und es wird nachher alles in Ordnung sein..hoffentlich..
Ist es wirklich ein Moment, der sofort vergeht? Ist es so leicht, wie ich es mir überzeugen will? Oder ist es eher nicht wie ein Schicksaalsmoment für mich?
Vorher muss ich mir überlegen, was zu machen ist, wenn er mit mir redet. Ich muss auch planen, was zu machen, wenn er –was ja höchstwahrscheinlich passieren würde- wenn er mich auch gar nicht anguckt.
Und dann kommt die Krise von nachher, also nach dem scheuβlichen, ja verdammten (wenn auch erwünschten) Moment: Warum hat er mich vernachlässigt, mich ignoriert? Warum hat er mindestens nicht danach gefragt, wie es mir geht?
Oder vielleicht –was übrigens auch möglich wäre-frage ich mich genau das Gegenteil: Warum hat er mit mir gesprochen? Warum ausgerechnet mit mir? Es gab ja viele andere Leute um uns an diesem Moment. Oder wusste er vielleicht, dass ich ihn irgendwie erwartete? Oder glaubte er, dass ich, und nur ich, die Antwort auf seine Frage weiβ? Auch wenn dies richtig wäre, dann wollte er eben die Antwort und nicht diejenige, die diese Antwort geben wird.
Warum quäle ich mich immernoch? Warum werfe ich mich andauernd in einem Meer, wovon mich niemand retten wird?! Warum will ich das Rest meines Lebens in Verwirrungen verbringen?! Warum will ich ihn nicht ein für alle Mal vergessen?! Habe ich mich nicht vor kurzem entschieden, dieses Thema zu schlieβen und nie wieder drauf einzugehgen. Denn er kennt mich nicht. Er weiβ ja höchstens, dass ich das eine oder andere Mal mit ihm gesprochen habe. Jedoch weiβ er nicht, wer ich bin. Bin ich nicht seine..
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
In love..in love?
Is love scientifically proved? I don't know, didn't do any researches, but I would rather go for a "No" as an answer. Lately, I have started to be convinced of the fact that there isn't such thing as love or that the definition of love as shown in movies simply is exaggerated and can't exist in real life.
Of course, when you're in love, you think that this is the love of your life and that this is real love you're having for this one. But, viewing things from another perspective, what are we talking about? Two people want to have something for each other, want to stay and talk with each other, want to adore each other and want to feel this thing called 'love'.
But, as this love-feeling can occur several times with different people, this feeling can't be a once in a lifetime experience. The expression "the one" is no more practical. Maybe it is also something we convince ourselves we're going through.
At first I thought love is like destiny and I believed in such things mentioned in movies, love poems and fantasies. I believed there is 'the one' for everyone of us, meaning that you can fall in love only once during your whole life.
But now, (not that something in specific happened to me) I don't really believe in such phenomenas. As cruel as it may sound: love is a feeling we want to live, no matter if it's true or not. Being in love doesn't necessarily mean you can't live without this one, it simply means that you somehow fit together, not by virtue of destiny or your zodiac signs or love, but because both of you happen to want the same thing from each other and both of you don't hate each other. Maybe there lies some bit of affection among all this, but it doesn't exceed being an 'affection', an admiration, but not love in the sense shown in movies and other romantic plays.
That does not mean I'm against romantic movies or books, I just don't think they're realistic enough. In fact, romances are my favourite, but you have to be aware that reality is way too far from what is shown in there. Furthermore, that doesn't mean I'm against being in love or being in a spiritual connection, it just means I'm a bit confused (and disappointed) that what we dream of can never be true to the fullest extent, because what we dream of simply is unobtainable.
Nevertheless, I hope we can all manage to mix our lives and join in it some crazy bits of fantasy and other (major) realistic points in order to make our lives as profitable and enjoyable as it can be.
Of course, when you're in love, you think that this is the love of your life and that this is real love you're having for this one. But, viewing things from another perspective, what are we talking about? Two people want to have something for each other, want to stay and talk with each other, want to adore each other and want to feel this thing called 'love'.
But, as this love-feeling can occur several times with different people, this feeling can't be a once in a lifetime experience. The expression "the one" is no more practical. Maybe it is also something we convince ourselves we're going through.
At first I thought love is like destiny and I believed in such things mentioned in movies, love poems and fantasies. I believed there is 'the one' for everyone of us, meaning that you can fall in love only once during your whole life.
But now, (not that something in specific happened to me) I don't really believe in such phenomenas. As cruel as it may sound: love is a feeling we want to live, no matter if it's true or not. Being in love doesn't necessarily mean you can't live without this one, it simply means that you somehow fit together, not by virtue of destiny or your zodiac signs or love, but because both of you happen to want the same thing from each other and both of you don't hate each other. Maybe there lies some bit of affection among all this, but it doesn't exceed being an 'affection', an admiration, but not love in the sense shown in movies and other romantic plays.
That does not mean I'm against romantic movies or books, I just don't think they're realistic enough. In fact, romances are my favourite, but you have to be aware that reality is way too far from what is shown in there. Furthermore, that doesn't mean I'm against being in love or being in a spiritual connection, it just means I'm a bit confused (and disappointed) that what we dream of can never be true to the fullest extent, because what we dream of simply is unobtainable.
Nevertheless, I hope we can all manage to mix our lives and join in it some crazy bits of fantasy and other (major) realistic points in order to make our lives as profitable and enjoyable as it can be.
Monday, February 05, 2007
We're going to.. (does it matter?)
No, I won't say where we're going on our Abifahrt, because it doesn't matter anymore. We're going somewhere, anywhere where we can all first of all be able to come (meaning the price), spend our last days together and enjoy. Aren't these reasons enough for our Abifahrt? I would say yes.
So unless it's gonna cause some of us financial (or make some of us in danger), meaning serious trouble, the subject doesn't really deserve to be talked about anymore.
Just wishing all of us a jolly good time. Let's just make the best out of it so that we will go home with precious, memorable time.
Speaking of Abi-attributes. Remembered it's our last year, last trip, last time, last day, last exams..last everything.. I don't know, but I can't be so emotional about it right now. Is it a bad sign? Am I too cold? The fact is I just expected things to be tragic (especially for me), because every time I leave a class or something like that, I get emotional about it. But this time, it's not the case. Maybe it's not that a big deal. Maybe I'm rather saving my tears for the Abi-Ball.
Hope everything is gonna be just marvelous.
So unless it's gonna cause some of us financial (or make some of us in danger), meaning serious trouble, the subject doesn't really deserve to be talked about anymore.
Just wishing all of us a jolly good time. Let's just make the best out of it so that we will go home with precious, memorable time.
Speaking of Abi-attributes. Remembered it's our last year, last trip, last time, last day, last exams..last everything.. I don't know, but I can't be so emotional about it right now. Is it a bad sign? Am I too cold? The fact is I just expected things to be tragic (especially for me), because every time I leave a class or something like that, I get emotional about it. But this time, it's not the case. Maybe it's not that a big deal. Maybe I'm rather saving my tears for the Abi-Ball.
Hope everything is gonna be just marvelous.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Whoever invented "Count till ten before reacting" had some brilliant point!
What have I been up to lately? What is happening around, all over the world, everywhere I go? I have a one and only answer: FRUSTRATION.
Friends go out. Out of boredom, out of the lack of amusement, out of whatever it is, they have a fight. Why? Did anyone insult the other? Did anyone felt some sudden hate for the other? Did anyone hit the other? No. What then? Misunderstanding. Why do we misunderstand one another? Simply because we don't give ourselves the chance to think things over..to listen properly..to understand and here's the tricky part: to think of a concrete, and most of all proper reaction. This pretty much takes about ten seconds, so I would advise everyone as well as myself to take this anonymous advice into consideration: Count till ten before reacting.
Believe me, it will save us zillions of things: nerves first of all, time, health, anger and sorrows.
You can't believe how many people I know face problems because of this frustration. Needless to say that such frustration causes the death of some people, who suffer from health problems (diabetes or high or low blood pressure). Some of my relatives for instance have such trouble, which enlarges the worrying circle of life. Grandparents worry about their children and grandchildren. Grandparents get sick out of being nervous. Grandparents force their children (indirectly) to take care of them, go to the doctor and worry about them instead of working properly. Children do the same thing. Sometimes I get the impression that people are addicted to being nervous, so they worry about anything and everything. And if there is nothing to worry about (which happens rarely), we can worry about the fact that we're worrying. There will always be something to worry about, don't worry. (Excuse me, a bit excited)
Personally, I am trying hard to do the 'counting' thing, so please wish me luck. So, if I will fail in convincing others of this brilliant idea (which is totally for their own sake), I hope I would at least help myself with it and save myself from worrying.
People, don't worry, please!!
Friends go out. Out of boredom, out of the lack of amusement, out of whatever it is, they have a fight. Why? Did anyone insult the other? Did anyone felt some sudden hate for the other? Did anyone hit the other? No. What then? Misunderstanding. Why do we misunderstand one another? Simply because we don't give ourselves the chance to think things over..to listen properly..to understand and here's the tricky part: to think of a concrete, and most of all proper reaction. This pretty much takes about ten seconds, so I would advise everyone as well as myself to take this anonymous advice into consideration: Count till ten before reacting.
Believe me, it will save us zillions of things: nerves first of all, time, health, anger and sorrows.
You can't believe how many people I know face problems because of this frustration. Needless to say that such frustration causes the death of some people, who suffer from health problems (diabetes or high or low blood pressure). Some of my relatives for instance have such trouble, which enlarges the worrying circle of life. Grandparents worry about their children and grandchildren. Grandparents get sick out of being nervous. Grandparents force their children (indirectly) to take care of them, go to the doctor and worry about them instead of working properly. Children do the same thing. Sometimes I get the impression that people are addicted to being nervous, so they worry about anything and everything. And if there is nothing to worry about (which happens rarely), we can worry about the fact that we're worrying. There will always be something to worry about, don't worry. (Excuse me, a bit excited)
Personally, I am trying hard to do the 'counting' thing, so please wish me luck. So, if I will fail in convincing others of this brilliant idea (which is totally for their own sake), I hope I would at least help myself with it and save myself from worrying.
People, don't worry, please!!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
It's always better to talk things frankly!
I've always believed in being frank and talking face-to-face to the people you're in trouble with. That's been my motto for a long time.
But things change when I'm involved in a trouble and not just viewing it through the eyes of an outsider. It's not that simple to be frank when you're having trouble with someone, especially with a dear one. I , to be honest, keep asking myself whether this one deserves to be talked to or not. Whether this one is hurt as much as I am. Whether this one will appreciate what the talk we're having or just ignore the details in order to skip the discussion. One of the most important questions would be whether this talk , though I'm supposed to be talking to a (close) friend, doesn't mean I'm humiliating myself in front of this person. Because if I started the discussion or the talk, this could mean that I'm willing to admit I'm guilty or at least that I'm always the weak side; the one who apologizes and feels bad when things go wrong. Sometimes I think this way and sometimes I don't really believe things can get so far between friends.
Despite all the aspects I just said, I still believe in talking things over and sort of revising the problem between the ones involved. It's definitely better than hiding things or not talking at all, which I admit I have done before, unwisely!! You see, one can even take advantage from negative incidents as well as good ones.
Besides, what I've discovered right now, if the one you're talking to doesn't appreciate the discussion you're having, then allow me to tell you, you've chosen a wrong friend. Nevertheless, sometimes you need to be the patient one, prevent any further harsh arguments and give this one some time to think over the things that you've said. I would say, in cases of misunderstanding you just have to give so much effort to come out with the least losses on each side. After all without discussing things and making compromises this time or the other we wouldn't have been able to solve stuff and overcome misunderstandings.
This makes me kind of relieved, because I needed to think things over before starting some sort of a reassuring argument..but I don't think it's that a big deal as I think it is. Misunderstandings happen, you just have to search and find your way out. :)
I've always believed in being frank and talking face-to-face to the people you're in trouble with. That's been my motto for a long time.
But things change when I'm involved in a trouble and not just viewing it through the eyes of an outsider. It's not that simple to be frank when you're having trouble with someone, especially with a dear one. I , to be honest, keep asking myself whether this one deserves to be talked to or not. Whether this one is hurt as much as I am. Whether this one will appreciate what the talk we're having or just ignore the details in order to skip the discussion. One of the most important questions would be whether this talk , though I'm supposed to be talking to a (close) friend, doesn't mean I'm humiliating myself in front of this person. Because if I started the discussion or the talk, this could mean that I'm willing to admit I'm guilty or at least that I'm always the weak side; the one who apologizes and feels bad when things go wrong. Sometimes I think this way and sometimes I don't really believe things can get so far between friends.
Despite all the aspects I just said, I still believe in talking things over and sort of revising the problem between the ones involved. It's definitely better than hiding things or not talking at all, which I admit I have done before, unwisely!! You see, one can even take advantage from negative incidents as well as good ones.
Besides, what I've discovered right now, if the one you're talking to doesn't appreciate the discussion you're having, then allow me to tell you, you've chosen a wrong friend. Nevertheless, sometimes you need to be the patient one, prevent any further harsh arguments and give this one some time to think over the things that you've said. I would say, in cases of misunderstanding you just have to give so much effort to come out with the least losses on each side. After all without discussing things and making compromises this time or the other we wouldn't have been able to solve stuff and overcome misunderstandings.
This makes me kind of relieved, because I needed to think things over before starting some sort of a reassuring argument..but I don't think it's that a big deal as I think it is. Misunderstandings happen, you just have to search and find your way out. :)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Confusion
You know these moments when things start to collapse after they were so fun and could be no better? I am having one of these moments right now. Not that school is starting in a few hours, though it's one of the unimportant reasons. It's just I have been having a great vacation, which could be no better, and then, all of a sudden: everything has to collapse after being a bit perfect.
You know when you feel that everything (well most of the things) you believed in are false and fake and that you have to give them all up? Of course, among all this rubbish I'm talking lies a large bit of exaggeration, but I can't stop it.
Why can't life take a mid line: I mean why can't we just live normally, no too happy moments and no too lousy ones. Why can't life be boring and monotonous and all the things we're escaping from at a time. Yes, life would be boring without dreams. And yes, it would be boring without fights and sorrows, unluckily. But this is not the solution: to live only ups and downs. Excuse my nonsense, but that's how it feels right now.
Ok, I admit things are not that bad as I am viewing them. Well, it's just I was so excited for today. We were supposed to go to the book fair and find a bunch of interesting books. But while I was trying to make things right with a friend (a close one), I was the one to get blamed. Don't ask me if it's bad luck or mishandling things from my side, but it did happen and I don't even want to think about it. I would say both. So the fun disappeared and instead was remorse, a bit anger and worries. And here I am, regretting the fact that this was how my holidays ended. But let's look on the bright side: I had a bit fun all in all (during the vacation I mean) and I relaxed. I guess I am too ambitious to wish for more.
Changing the subject would help...At the end of the day I bought any book which seemed interesting. My choice was "Dubliners", the Irish collection by James Joyce. Well, we read some extracts of it in the English lesson, they were good and nice to read. I hope and think I am going to enjoy reading this book. Don't ask me why, but I am so keen on reading at the moment. And if not, then I would borrow any book from the school library, which I don't think is much different from the book fair thing. I just want to read and that's it.
Apart from that, I went to the AUC and got this application forum. And even in this, things weren't as easy as I thought they would be. They said we had to pass or do this exam to transfer to the university. My dad started worried and imagining obstacles, which make me believe that I won't attend this university after I am starting to like the place and all. Never mind, you never know which college you'll join so early, in my opinion at least. You just attend one and after a while you find yourself in it, with all it's pros and cons.
I guess that's it with exaggeration for today.
You know these moments when things start to collapse after they were so fun and could be no better? I am having one of these moments right now. Not that school is starting in a few hours, though it's one of the unimportant reasons. It's just I have been having a great vacation, which could be no better, and then, all of a sudden: everything has to collapse after being a bit perfect.
You know when you feel that everything (well most of the things) you believed in are false and fake and that you have to give them all up? Of course, among all this rubbish I'm talking lies a large bit of exaggeration, but I can't stop it.
Why can't life take a mid line: I mean why can't we just live normally, no too happy moments and no too lousy ones. Why can't life be boring and monotonous and all the things we're escaping from at a time. Yes, life would be boring without dreams. And yes, it would be boring without fights and sorrows, unluckily. But this is not the solution: to live only ups and downs. Excuse my nonsense, but that's how it feels right now.
Ok, I admit things are not that bad as I am viewing them. Well, it's just I was so excited for today. We were supposed to go to the book fair and find a bunch of interesting books. But while I was trying to make things right with a friend (a close one), I was the one to get blamed. Don't ask me if it's bad luck or mishandling things from my side, but it did happen and I don't even want to think about it. I would say both. So the fun disappeared and instead was remorse, a bit anger and worries. And here I am, regretting the fact that this was how my holidays ended. But let's look on the bright side: I had a bit fun all in all (during the vacation I mean) and I relaxed. I guess I am too ambitious to wish for more.
Changing the subject would help...At the end of the day I bought any book which seemed interesting. My choice was "Dubliners", the Irish collection by James Joyce. Well, we read some extracts of it in the English lesson, they were good and nice to read. I hope and think I am going to enjoy reading this book. Don't ask me why, but I am so keen on reading at the moment. And if not, then I would borrow any book from the school library, which I don't think is much different from the book fair thing. I just want to read and that's it.
Apart from that, I went to the AUC and got this application forum. And even in this, things weren't as easy as I thought they would be. They said we had to pass or do this exam to transfer to the university. My dad started worried and imagining obstacles, which make me believe that I won't attend this university after I am starting to like the place and all. Never mind, you never know which college you'll join so early, in my opinion at least. You just attend one and after a while you find yourself in it, with all it's pros and cons.
I guess that's it with exaggeration for today.
Friday, January 26, 2007
First impressions!!
Well, long time no post. I was just busy, but now I'm as free as I can be. I don't know why this happens to me every time?Whenever I am busy I always find plenty of things to talk about and have this 'desire' to write and speak out some thoughts in my mind. And then, when I'm free and have so much time to do whatever I want, I lose all these thoughts. I don't know, it's a bit annoying.
So, I will just talk about anything popping up into my mind. I just remembered that I once read that the novel 'Pride and Prejudice' was actually named 'First impressions' before coming out with the name we know nowadays. Though 'Pride and Prejudice' is the most fitting name to the novel I also like 'First impressions'. Don't you think we're a bit affected by the first impressions we make? Don't you, moreover, think that most of the time these first impressions are wrong and force us into false roads? When thinking over some things I've done in the past and some opinions I've built in the past just because of first impressions, I regret being that shallow and jumping into conclusions without any reason. I mean first impressions could be fun when you say: Yeah, this guy seems boring. But this assumption shouldn't affect your opinion, this assumption can go no further, it just cannot be but an assumption. So, I would advise any of you not to take assumptions serious because they may drive you mad or let you miss some chances in knowing new people. Just as the case of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy: Their 'first impressions' on each other prevented them from knowing each other's real person and from falling in love with each other. Maybe this would be the case with any of us. Maybe the first impression obstacle would prevent us from getting to know people we might miss: friends, relatives and people in general. Don't you think it would be unfortunate to lose things in such a simple way??!
Hope I could help with this post.
Well, long time no post. I was just busy, but now I'm as free as I can be. I don't know why this happens to me every time?Whenever I am busy I always find plenty of things to talk about and have this 'desire' to write and speak out some thoughts in my mind. And then, when I'm free and have so much time to do whatever I want, I lose all these thoughts. I don't know, it's a bit annoying.
So, I will just talk about anything popping up into my mind. I just remembered that I once read that the novel 'Pride and Prejudice' was actually named 'First impressions' before coming out with the name we know nowadays. Though 'Pride and Prejudice' is the most fitting name to the novel I also like 'First impressions'. Don't you think we're a bit affected by the first impressions we make? Don't you, moreover, think that most of the time these first impressions are wrong and force us into false roads? When thinking over some things I've done in the past and some opinions I've built in the past just because of first impressions, I regret being that shallow and jumping into conclusions without any reason. I mean first impressions could be fun when you say: Yeah, this guy seems boring. But this assumption shouldn't affect your opinion, this assumption can go no further, it just cannot be but an assumption. So, I would advise any of you not to take assumptions serious because they may drive you mad or let you miss some chances in knowing new people. Just as the case of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy: Their 'first impressions' on each other prevented them from knowing each other's real person and from falling in love with each other. Maybe this would be the case with any of us. Maybe the first impression obstacle would prevent us from getting to know people we might miss: friends, relatives and people in general. Don't you think it would be unfortunate to lose things in such a simple way??!
Hope I could help with this post.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
I'M 18..how nice? (is it good? I think I'm different, but a little bit before being 18..hehe)
Well well..It's exactly 12 am and it's MY BIRTHDAY today. I wish myself all the best in my next year and I wish that all my friends will stay beside me next year. Guys (if you happen to open the internet once in a while), I love you and always will. Can't imagine things without you.
Bas..other than that..a difference..Maybe I am more mature right now (actually it happened through the last year, of course not right now..:)) and found a new year to handle things.
Yes, I am proud of what I've achieved till now and hope I will be able to achieve what I want next year. What else? Nothing..I am not really celebrating my birthday with friends this year, as I don't have the time and temper to plan anything at the moment, even if this thing happens to be my bday. Nevertheless I am happy and wish myself the best..(yea yea..selfish me..hehe.nm)
Well well..It's exactly 12 am and it's MY BIRTHDAY today. I wish myself all the best in my next year and I wish that all my friends will stay beside me next year. Guys (if you happen to open the internet once in a while), I love you and always will. Can't imagine things without you.
Bas..other than that..a difference..Maybe I am more mature right now (actually it happened through the last year, of course not right now..:)) and found a new year to handle things.
Yes, I am proud of what I've achieved till now and hope I will be able to achieve what I want next year. What else? Nothing..I am not really celebrating my birthday with friends this year, as I don't have the time and temper to plan anything at the moment, even if this thing happens to be my bday. Nevertheless I am happy and wish myself the best..(yea yea..selfish me..hehe.nm)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Was wondering through some thoughts of mine and came up with this, thought it's worth sharing..could be dedicated to anyone, not only about love and affection:
But you walked away
I wanted to talk to you
in the middle of all the rush
I wanted to tell you some things I had in mind
some wonderings I needed to share
I wanted to express what's inside this brain of mine
I just didn't dare
Though I don't believe in coincidence
it happened
though it was of common sense
I didn't make any sound
Maybe it's just my luck:
To wish and never dare
To hope and you don't care
To fall for your stubborn heart
while I couldn't bear to part
Was it me who disconnected?
Was it me to make a move?
No..it's only you
you walked away
But you walked away
I wanted to talk to you
in the middle of all the rush
I wanted to tell you some things I had in mind
some wonderings I needed to share
I wanted to express what's inside this brain of mine
I just didn't dare
Though I don't believe in coincidence
it happened
though it was of common sense
I didn't make any sound
Maybe it's just my luck:
To wish and never dare
To hope and you don't care
To fall for your stubborn heart
while I couldn't bear to part
Was it me who disconnected?
Was it me to make a move?
No..it's only you
you walked away
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