Thursday, November 16, 2006

Fighting for survival

No, I won't keep crying, regretting and fade away out of despair. Why don't I try to survive what I think is unfair and can't be dealt with ? At the end it's the only happy solution I got. I guess I'm one of those persons who goes to everything and every feeling to its extremes, and therefore I have to pay for not staying in a mid line.
Why don't I look at what bothers me from another point of view?! Let us pretend I'm another person, say ME. Me is telling me about a problem she has and I have to help her get through it and get out of her bad mood. (By the way, I don't mind you calling me mad or schizophrenic, I would rather agree with you. But, excuse me and my insanity, it just happens to be my only way of survival. I've already failed in proving I'm right, so being insane won't really make a big difference.) Let 'me' listen to this sick, stupid Me while she's annoying me with her problems:
First of all, (people at my school would get what I say) I would look like a stupid student and all, but I'm having a problem at school, which can be summed up in the following: We (my class) has a stupid teacher. I wouldn't mind his stupidity as long as he wouldn't have harmed me with it. But, unfortunately he did cause me much pain with his overwhelming stupidity. By the by, it's not only me saying he's stupid, I've shown my exam to an experienced one out of school who told me I deserve a better grade. Then I started to ask who's responsible for students suffering from their teacher's stupidity. I found out the following: There is no exact person responsible for such a WEIRD problem. And if this person exists then he will either say I don't deserve more in order to avoid any crashes with my stupid teacher or he will say I'm right, but he hasn't got the authority to talk to him or disagree with him officially. I know this can happen every now and then at school, but I can't believe that this is how my last school year is going to look like. I wonder why each time I try to remember the good old days they pour such bad things on my face, so that I won't be able to do nothing but hate this place forever. But, you know what? They won't really achieve destroying my last school year, because I DID spend nice times at this place and I will always cherish these memories with such precious mates and friends. It just makes me upset to feel that my future can depend on some stupid creatures and that I am not able to revolt, because it will turn against me after all. And sometimes you just can't stop this revolution inside you, so you fall in deep crying. I am not saying I am a genius and I am the best person on earth, I just want to be treated properly and here's the tricky part: logically and fairly.
Here's my suggestion: Proceed, no matter what happens. (But this isn't enough at some moments, I have nothing else to say about it though.) What have I got to do else than fall and rise and keep rising and falling till this year ends. And then the suffering won't end after this year will end, because I will be missing all this days with all the suffering and most of all the laughing and the fun we're 'managing' to have. Yes, I know, friends will stay friends forever and stuff, and I am hoping me and my friends will stick together after all. But it won't be at the same place, we will have to leave this place and miss it (paradoxically enough in comparison to my complaints.) But I guess that's life and though it seems hard and even impossible to consider everyday life a memory, one will be able to deal with it, forget about the pain and most important take out some nice things with him on the way to the future: memories and friends.

2 comments:

Diana Joy said...

Hey chic!
Sounds like you had an exciting day at school huh? Bummer dude! I remember those days when school seem to never end..and then as a senior you don't want it to ever end....Can you relate? Hang in there hon...It will get better:) I'm here when you need to chat? I will check in later:)
Diana Joy

Nada said...

hey guys,
I really don't know how to thank both of you.
@ Diana:Thanks for your comments and for standing by me from now and then.
I do feel happy after each of your visits and comments.
@ 4: I am honored you visited my blog. Well, as I said there is this counselor but you have to persuade him to look at your exam, because at our school teachers aren't taking their job seriously enough, apparently. I really wish (from the bottom of my heart) that things will get better, because I'm not getting any kind of support from my parents,which makes me a bit upset.Besides I am sort of entering the phase where nothing seems to matter with me anymore.So,unless things will improve I am afraid I won't be able to survive everything.:(
But of course after reading ur nice comments I am giving it a try and won't give up easily.Will update you if things changed.THanks alooooot!!